


The F Word

by louistomlinsons, Thingssicant



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Endgame Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Louis, M/M, The f word movie, What if movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 14:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19320457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louistomlinsons/pseuds/louistomlinsons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thingssicant/pseuds/Thingssicant
Summary: When Louis finds himself at a party for the first time after his boyfriend cheated on him, the last person he expects to meet is Harry. They hit it off immediately, conversation flowing all night. Louis finally thinks he’s ready to jump back into the dating scene, when a wrench gets thrown in his plan.Harry has a boyfriend.Or, a movie AU based on the F word





	The F Word

Louis sat on his roof looking out onto the distant city skyline of Toronto, tall building windows twinkling on and off to match the stars he could barely see. He should have been on his way towards said city, but his brain had other plans.

So instead, he sat on his roof, finger hovering over his voicemails and anxiety growing in his belly.

 “Louis, I know what you saw was bad, but I have an explanation! Not a very good one but, I still think we can work this out. I need you to call me! No matter what happened I still love you! And I know you still love me… Anyway, call me back” Aiden’s voice filtered through the phone. Louis stared at the picture of them together he had as Aiden’s contact photo.

 “This message has been saved for 377 days: press 1 to replay or 3 to delete,” came over the ringer.  Blue eyes narrowed at the screen for longer then they should have, and finally, a shaky finger landed on three.

 “Message deleted,” the robotic voice yelled out, all to loud for the quiet rooftop air. Louis let out a huge sigh of relief, or sadness, he didn’t quite know yet. But it was done. And tonight? Would finally be the fresh start he had been waiting for.

 

It all started with a party.

A party, that in all fairness, Louis didn’t want to be at.

He was stood in front of Niall’s fridge, a dingy yellow thing he had taken from their college dorm. It was covered in those stupid poem words Louis didn’t think existed anymore. They were still addicting though, having Louis entranced with them more then the rest of the party behind him.  With “love is stupid monkeys dancing in a slapstick hurricane” now in the centre of the fridge, he pulled away to look over his work. He truly was a poet.

Feeling breath on his ear, Louis’ head started back nearly bumping into another man’s, who had crept up behind him reading the words over his shoulder. The anonymous man let out a breathy giggle, sending a shiver down Louis’ spine.

“That’s a bit pessimistic don’t you think?” nameless man said. He was still way too close for Louis’ liking, but with all the other chatter and music bumping through the house, it was the only way they could hear each other. Just another reason Louis hated parties.

“Depends on how you look at it. Maybe I like stupid monkeys,” Louis replied, a deep blush rising to his cheeks.

Nameless man shrugged, opening the fridge to grab another beer. “Cheers.” He smiled, clicking the bottle with Louis’ own.

Louis watched as he took a swig, only taking a little sip of his own. The man winced at the taste, bringing on his own blush. He winked at Louis then was lost within the rest of the party goers.

Standing in the crowd as smoke billowed around him, Louis couldn't seem to find his place in the party. He was used to having someone with him, a hand on his back while he talked to others, a drink finding him without even asking, and someone to talk to even if he couldn’t find conversation with others.

He weaved his way through people, hoping to stand in front of the fridge with his magnets for the rest of the party, or at least enough time that Niall and Lottie wouldn’t complain he was becoming a recluse.

Only the fridge magnets seem to be occupied by the mysterious man from before, and this time Louis was the one breathing over his shoulder trying to read what he wrote.

“Sorry I ruined you poem, this shit’s like weirdly addicting,” the man said, seeming to sense Louis behind him. He was still shifting the words around. “Monkeys dancing in a pig love hurricane” now taking the centre of the fridge.

“Probably for the better, a bit more optimistic than what I had,” Louis said, adding a few words of his own, causing the man to chuckle. He could feel the vibrations more than he could hear them, somehow the music only getting louder throughout the night.

“We are all monkeys dancing in a pig love hurricane. I love it! Niall better keep it forever” the man shouted over the crowd.

“What should I do now?” Niall yelled. He seemed to realize who was standing in front of him them beamed.

“Oh have you two finally met?” he asked wrapping an arm around each of them, pulling them closer so they all could hear each other over the banging music.

“Ugh kinda,” Louis spit out from behind his beer. Harry nodded his head along with Louis, only causing a very drunk Niall to squeeze them tighter together.

“Well, Louis, this is Harry, my cousin. He's an animator. And Harry, this is Louis, my college roommate! There! Officially introduced!” he said, pulling away from them and clapping his hands together.

“Oh you’re Louis! I’ve heard lots about you,” Harry said, still blushing behind his bottle slightly. Louis’ eyes followed the still mostly full bottle up to his lips. Not exactly somewhere he should be looking on someone he just met. But.

“Only good things I hope. Well as good as someone in college can be anyway,” Louis mumbled. He was blushing to now match the shade of Harry. He hadn’t felt like this since well, Aiden.

“Louis here hasn’t been out in a year. Some evil man broke his little baby heart,” Niall said, stroking Louis’ cheek. Louis was quick to swat him away, causing Harry to laugh again.

The two of them stopped and just stared at each other for a moment. Niall looked like he was about to drunkenly interrupt whatever awkward tension had been put between them when a strange blood man stumbled into them.

“Has anyone seen my friend Liam? Tall, brown hair? Looks like some stupid hipster lumberjack asshole,” He said.

“I’m Liam,” Niall said, grabbing this new guys arm, their own sort of tension forming, breaking whatever Louis and Harry had. If only for a moment.

“Oh are you?” The man asked coyly, following Niall wherever he was pulling him too.

The kitchen seemed to quiet down after that, most people in the adjacent living room and surrounding hallways. It was almost like they had their own little bubble.

Harry smiled at him, moving a step back now that they didn’t have to yell so loud over everyone. “I’m sorry, awkward small talk is not my forte,” he said, trying to use the beer bottle to block his still blushed cheeks.

“It’s fort, actually. Forte is italian. It means forcefully, and fort is french for strength,” Louis spouted, almost exactly from the textbook he had read years before. “But um, I say forte too, cause if you say fort everyone thinks it’s wrong even though it’s the correct pronunciation, and now I'm just rambling so I'm going to stop,” he trailed off, taking another sip of his beer. It was warm by now, and felt as awkward going down as he did in front of Harry.

“So is that what you do?” Harry asked, casually putting his beer bottle down. Finally dropping the pretense of actually drinking it. “Just correct people’s pronunciation?”

“Yeah.”

“And how's that going for you,” Harry said, hint of a smile coming back. Louis still couldn’t stop staring at his lips, and now he had no bottle of an excuse.

“I have a dead end job, I live in my sister's attic and I haven't gone out in a year. But here, let's get you something better to drink, obviously Niall’s gross beer isn’t working out for you.”

“Hey that was supposed to be our secret!” Harry mumbled, the pout on his face reminding Louis of his nephew. Louis held his hands out, flailing them more awkwardly then he would like, at the now empty kitchen. God, being stuck inside for a year had really fucked up his social cues.

“Oh,” Harry said, letting out another breathy laugh. “I guess we should get back to the actual party.. Can’t block the fridge forever..”

“Yeah I guess.” Louis let out a sigh, the thought of going back into Niall’s crowded living room was the last thing he wanted to do, but it was better than looking like an awkward loser alone in the kitchen. Besides, Harry seemed charming as hell. He was probably already friends with half the party, and Louis didn’t want to bog him down with his own funk.

Only, Harry didn’t seem to join the rest of the party. He walked between all the close bodies, seemingly trying to find a path to get through everyone. He made a face at Louis, who could only follow blindly, when they passed Niall and the brunette man getting real close on the couch. It was hard to see in the dark room, the only light seemingly coming from a blue and red strobe light Louis hadn’t seen since college and a couple fairy lights strung around the window.

They did nothing to hide the green in Harry’s eyes though. They were nothing like Louis had ever seen, almost entrancing him in a way only the city skyline from his roof did.

Harry finally plopped down, in an empty corner away from the crowd. Louis took a seat beside him easily. Somehow sipping on his too warm beer in this hot crowded room, he felt another shiver go down his spine.

“So, tell me about yourself,” he said, talking loudly again to be heard over the mass of people around the room. He shook his head afterwords; maybe Niall was right. He did need to get out more if he was back to using those lines.

Harry, somehow, didn't seem to notice, and took it in stride. “Well like Niall said, I’m an animator now, but I used to be a baker..”

“A baker?” Louis asked, eyes widening slightly. A cute boy with a good job and he could cook?

“Yeah, I worked in a bakery when I was 16,” he said, and conversation took off from there.

Louis didn’t even notice the time passing, Harry was just so easy to talk to, and eventually, when he was finally able to pry his eyes away from to boy, he noticed the crowd had been cut in half, and he had stayed way longer than planned. Lottie would be so proud.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Harry said, standing up and putting his fake beer down in his place. “Do you need anything?” he asked, smile cracking his face again. It wasn’t funny at all, and Louis shouldn’t be laughing as hard as he was.

“Yeah get me some toilet water, probably goes down better then this cheap stuff,” Louis said holding up his empty beer bottle. Harry started laughing with him, a loud honk coming out surprising them both. Harry covered his mouth with his hand, Louis seeing the remnants of pink and black nail polish. He didn’t think this boy could get possibly more perfect.

“I'm gonna go,” Harry said, making finger guns towards the bathroom. Louis gave him a thumbs up and stood up to replace his beer. Although gross, it was still better than nothing.

He passed by Niall and the brunette, now thoroughly making out, something Louis definitely didn’t need to see. The rest of the party goers seemed too drunk to really even notice them, or were trapped in their own conversations just like Louis and Harry had been.

He made his way to the fridge, seeing their poem still in the centre. He would have to tell Niall to save that. If he actually did get the guts to ask Harry out it would be a cute memory for them. Maybe they could have it at their wedding. Maybe Louis was getting way far ahead of himself. Just like Aiden. He needed to stop before he went down that hole again.

Standing in front of the fridge, letting the cold air calm him down, he reached for one of the last remaining beers, one of the only things in Niall’s fridge. He took a deep breath and made his way back towards the living room.

A few people seemed to be passed out, Niall still on top of the brunette, making him turn the other way and see Harry, at the door putting his coat on. Louis all but dropped his beer on the side table, now on his way to grab his own coat.

“Oh,” Harry said, frowning slightly. Like they hadn’t spent the whole night talking. Like Louis didn’t deserve the right to a goodbye “What are you doing?” Harry asked, trying to act coy.

“I’m just leaving without saying goodbye. Like a dick,” Louis said flatly.

Almost like he couldn’t make eye contact with Louis, Harry kept his focus down at his shoes, scuffing his boots as he buttoned up his jacket “Um, yeah.. That's what I was doing as well,” he mumbled. He finally looked up, biting his lip as he looked at Louis.

Shaking his head, Louis pushed passed him opening the door. He was done. For a minute he thought boys could be different. Not assholes who lied and left him. Not people like Aiden.

Harry seemed to follow, their shoulders bumping as they made their way down the front walk. Louis made a sharp turn, just trying to end this as quickly as possible.

“Oh..” Harry said as they both turned the same direction.

“I’m just a few blocks this way” Louis mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. His face twisted slightly not wanting to be in this situation any longer than he had to.

“Me too,” Harry said, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. Louis breathed out, the cool air causing it to come out like smoke. He hadn’t noticed it until now.

“I guess we can walk together then,” Harry said, nodding to himself like he just decided it was okay.

And so they walked, silently at first, both trying to get over the tension Harry had caused before. It only stopped when Harry tripped on the smallest rock possible. Body flying right into the snow. It took Louis a moment, but within seconds he was howling with laughter in the midnight air.

“You’re really something, Styles,” he said, holding his hand out to help the boy up.

Taking his hand, Harry pulled himself up and shook the snow out of his hair, shivering when some of it fell down his coat. Louis couldn’t help but take off his own scarf and wrap it gently wound his neck.

“Better?” Louis asked, still flitting around with the scarf.

“Yeah.. better,” Harry whispered. It seemed the world went quiet around them, no cars around at this time. Louis looked up at the stars, seeing them easier then he had before. Harry seemed to copy his motion.

“They're pretty tonight,” Harry said, breaking the silence as he started to walk again.

Louis nodded, not really knowing what to say. He still felt awkward about Harry just leaving him. Well, almost leaving him.

“Oh umm… this is me,” Harry said stopping in front of an apartment block. He stood at the edge of the sidewalk and bit his lip, moving back and forth to keep warm. It almost seemed like he was, expecting something?

Louis stood across from him, watching his green eyes twinkle with the street lights. He could even make out tiny little snowflakes in his eyelashes. “So, I had a really good time talking to you tonight.”

Harry kept chewing on his bottom lip, a smile coming through as he nodded, and twinkle in his eye that Louis saw at the beginning of the night.

“Maybe we could.. Talk again sometime,” Louis said, and fuck he really needed to go out more. He was losing his charm.

“Yeah I’d really like that,” Harry said, pulling a small notepad from his coat pocket. Louis’ heart started to swell. He felt warmth in the cold winter night, and a smile came out without his control.

“You know,” Harry said, writing his number on the notepad, “My boyfriend is going to be shocked I stayed out so late.”

And just like that, Louis’ heart dropped down to his feet, a chill running through him as he watched the wind blowing through Harry's curls. The curls he no longer felt he had a right to admire. Of course he had a boyfriend. Someone as beautiful as Harry-

The same man coughed in front of him, holding out a piece of notepaper. “Lost you for a second there,” Harry teased, a cheeky smile lighting up his face.

Louis forced himself to mirror the look, used to faking happiness at this point in his life. He ripped the paper from Harry hand, only taking a second to look at the drawing over the seven digits.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, already turning on his heel. The night was only getting colder and he still had a few blocks to go.

“Call me!” Harry yelled after him, Louis didn’t even turn around. Just stuck his hand up in a sort of half wave as he heard harry's boots clicking up the steps.

He felt the paper burning in his pocket the whole way home.

  


Entering the house quietly, as it was 3am and his nephew had karate the next morning, Louis crept up the stairs to his attic room. Sliding the window open easily, he stepped out onto the roof, his path through the snow already there from many times before.

The city was still glowing as it had before, life moving so fast Louis didn’t think he’d ever catch up. Instead, he lay on his back trying to get a good look at the stars.

The paper in his pocket still felt heavy, like it somehow didn't belong. Grabbing the paper, he held it up between two cold fingers, admiring the robin sketch more clearly then he had before.

Boyfriend. Pfft, Louis thought as he let the paper fly from his fingers. Like a butterfly flying in the wind. He wasn’t meant for love.  And his big leap of faith tonight just proved it.

 

  
  
“Louis! Get down here!”

“Calm down, Lots, I’m coming!” Louis yelled. He ripped himself from bed, bumping down the stairs to the entryway where Lottie had been yelling at him for the past ten minutes.

“Fucking finally,” she mumbled as she was wiggling around trying to stick an earring in while putting on a heel.

“You look nice.” Louis smiled, looking down at his small black dress and full face of makeup. He hadn’t seen her get ready like this in awhile.

 His nephew, Oliver, ran up behind him and gave him a tight hug, like he hadn’t just seen him when they ate breakfast together that morning. “Yeah! Really nice, Mummy!”

“Thank you,” Lottie said, finally getting the heel on, making the hoop slide into her ear easily. “Now, remember, no scary movies! And no sweets!” she said sternly, more looking at Louis than her own son.

“What, do you trust him more than me?”

“Yes,” Lottie said, kissing both their cheeks. “Now be good! I’ll text you if I’m not coming home.” She said the last part a little quieter.

“Really? On the first date?” Louis teased, thankful his nephew seemed to be more distracted by the array of shoes Lottie had pulled out and dumped all along the floor.

“Shut up,” she said, rolling her eyes, the smile on her face giving her away. “You totally would have with that guy last week, if you had the chance.” And ooh, still a soft spot for Louis. Lottie obviously could tell, as she placed a gentle hand on his chest. “It’ll come for you, for both of us. I’m sure of it.”

Louis nodded, chewing on his lip. He wasn’t so sure of that lately.

A loud honk outside startled the both of them back to reality. “That must be him! Bye boys!” she said, blowing them a kiss as she stumbled out the door in way too high heels.

It only took a second once the door closed for Oliver to drop the shoes and run up to Louis. “Can we watch scary movies and eat ice cream?” the boy asked, a hopeful look in his eye.

“Of course!” Louis said, picking up Oliver and throwing him over his shoulder as he ran to the kitchen.

Two hours later, both of them were slumped out on the couch, one half empty tub of ice cream between them and screaming coming from the TV. Louis could barely hear the door open, but when he heard heeled footsteps he quickly changed the channel and hid the ice cream under the table.

Lottie came in the room, looking about as broken as Louis had last week. She fell on the couch between them, pulling the tub of ice cream out from under the table and switching the channel back to their movie.

Louis frowned, gently patting her leg as Oliver wrapped his arm around her in a cuddle. All three sighed. Yeah. Love sucked.  

  
  
As much as Louis was cynical about love, some of his favorite movies were romcoms. He would never admit to it, but The Princess Bride was his favorite movie of all time. So that's why, on a Saturday night instead of going out like a normal twenty-seven year old, he went to the theater in the city playing it. Not to mention Niall was so busy with the brunette from the party lately that he never saw him. Details.  

He walked up to the blue building, neon light shining over him as he bought his ticket. He sat super close to the front, something he used to do with his mother in England and a habit he pulled with him all the way to Canada.

If he had sat any further back, he would have noticed Harry, stumbling into the theatre late and sitting two rows behind him.

_As you wish_

_As you wish was all he ever said …_

Shivering as he exited the theatre, Louis looked at his phone to check the time. It was now dark outside, the neon sign lighting up the sidewalk in front of the theatre bright red. He looked up as he paced the sidewalk, expecting to see one of the many orange and blue cabs he was familiar with, but instead, seeing Harry.

 _Harry_ from the party a few weeks ago. Harry who had rejected him right after said party. Harry who he still wasn’t able to shut up about. Fuck.

He turned on his heel, trying to get out of sight before the boy noticed him.

“You need a ride?” a passing cab driver yelled to the both of them, causing Harry to look up from his phone. Louis could tell the moment Harry realized he was there, and, just to add to the sting of it all, he beamed at Louis, as if they were old friends.

“Oh! Hey!”

“Hi,” Louis said, a bit awkward. He looked towards the cab driver, drying to hide the pleading in his eyes. “Ugh, no. I think we’re good,” he mumbled. Watching the cab, his freedom from this awkward situation, speed off.

“I didn’t see you there,” Harry said, stuffing his hands in his coat pocket as he walked towards Louis.

“No, I didn’t see you there, standing right next to me.”

“Hi, Louis.” Harry smiled again. It seemed to be all he did, around Louis anyway.

 “Harry,” Louis said easily. “Did you just come out of the movie too?”

“Yeah. My boyfriend was actually supposed to come with me.” Harry shrugged. “But I think it’s cool you came alone.” He was wearing the same red coat from the other night, but was still shivering just as much as Louis was.

“I mean you technically still came alone,” Louis teased, It caused Harry to blush, or maybe it was just the wind. But they did both start to laugh, the loud honk Louis had heard from the party coming out to play.

Harry covered his mouth, embarrassed, while shaking his head. “Should we get out of here? I'm freezing my balls off and there's a great diner down the street.”

Louis’ body gave an extra shiver, as if confirming the cold outside, and nodded, falling into step with Harry as they walked down the street.

It was silent between them, for the first block or so, both of them just trying to keep warm from the wind. But eventually Louis broke the silence.

“So. Princess Bride.”

“Yeah, I love romcoms.” Harry smiled. “Best genre if you ask me.”  

“Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies,” Louis said, causing Harry to stop in his tracks.

“Louis!” he yelled, looking stricken. Louis stopped just a few steps ahead of him, turning back to face him.

“Come on then. Freezing balls and all that. No time for stopping”

“You told me! The other night you said that you thought love made you a worse person,” Harry said, taking the few steps to catch up to Louis, the ice on the sidewalk causing him to almost slip.

“I did and it does,” Louis said easily, getting back into step with Harry.

“You can’t have Princess Bride as your favorite movie if you actually think that,” Harry said, pointing a finger. He must have lied about how far this diner was because they had been walking more then a few blocks now, almost entering the heart of the city. If Louis looked up he could probably see the tower, glowing in the night and helping light the city along with all the other office buildings.

“Well no, it’s irrelevant, it’s a fairytale, but in real life love is just an all purpose excuse for selfish behaviour,” Louis said, turning to walk backwards so he could face Harry. “You can lie and cheat and hurt people, and it's fine because _you're in love!”_ he scoffed.

Harry rolled his eyes at Louis, a small chuckle coming out. “I don't know if you're that cynical or just a super romantic cheeseball.”

At the diner, Louis ordered the greasiest thing he could get his hands on.

“I can’t believe you ordered deep fried pickles,” Harry said, pinching his nose up as the pickles were placed on their table. “Pickles are disgusting! Like embalming basically,” he said, leaning in closer so the others couldn’t hear their conversation. “A pickle jar, is basically a tomb for cucumbers..”

“I violated a tremendous amount of corpses in medical school, so I know pickling is not the same as embalming.”

“You’re a doctor?” Harry asked, cutely turning his head to the side. Louis shut him down quickly.

“Nope.” He popped the p. “Med school dropout.” Harry just nodded along, not blaming him or asking questions as people normally would. So Louis continued on.

“The whole process of deep frying makes everything better anyway.”

“I don’t like deep fried food,” Harry said, taking a bite of what now Louis realised was a salad. At a diner. At midnight.

“Come on, you don’t like french fries?”

“Nope.”

“Onion rings? Friend chicken?”

“Ugh.”

“Fish and chips?”

 “Gross.”

“Funnel cakes? Donuts? Deep fried banana sandwiches?”

“No, but Elvis ate those,” Harry said, pointing his fork towards Louis with an intrigued look on his face.

“And something called fool’s gold.” Louis smiled, finally taking a bite out of his pickle. “I don’t know what it is exactly, but I read on the internet that Elvis died with forty pounds of undigested feces still in his intestine.”

“Wow Louis, this is great dinner talk, tell me more, oh and maybe next time I take a bite you can say diarrhoea,” Harry teased, moving to take his next bite.

“Diarrhoea,” Louis said, as if on que, when the lettuce hit Harry’s mouth.  

“Is this like some shit you learn in med school?” Harry asked, now shoving his plate away. He still seemed interested though, and since nobody else in the diner seemed to be bothered, Louis went on.

“Yeah, we go through all the famous people, and how much feces were left in them at their time of death,” Louis said. Harry cackled, letting out another one of his honk laughs.

“So who do you think weighs the feces?” Harry asked, once he had finally calmed down. He had started eating again. Which Louis also counted as a win.

“I think as the king, it would be a job people fought for,” Louis said, mock serious.

“Mhhm,” Harry mumbled between bites.

“Like, if I can’t dress him, or make him look pretty, can I at least touch his poo?”

“Do you think he kept a little bit? Like in a matchbox?” Harry asked, pinching his fingers together near his face as he tried to hold back his grin.

“Or one of those tiny vials? The ones you can wear around your neck?”

“Yeah, like he had a little shit lock,” Harry said, way too enthusiastic for a conversation about poo.

Both of them burst out laughing again, all too loud for this tiny diner in the middle of the night. Neither of them cared, though.

  
  
Louis walked Harry home after the diner, enjoying the easy flow of conversation. He’d never met someone he could become such fast friends with. There was no lull between them, never a break in conversation. Harry was quick-witted and funny, keeping Louis on his toes and laughing so hard he even snorts once.

They walked up to Harry’s place, lights on inside, looking welcoming from the outside.

“Listen,” Harry said, and Louis prepared himself for the worst. “I know that guys don’t want to be friends with the guy with the boyfriend. But it sucks. It’s not fair. I am more than that. It feels like I’m being reduced to how I look with my clothes off. I have a personality. I’m smart. I’m funny - at least in my opinion. It’s hard to make friends when you have a boyfriend, when it should actually be easier.” Harry took a breath and swallowed, throat bobbing, before he continued, “There’s no confusion, no complication of feelings. No expectations of something more.”

Louis let the words sit in the air for a moment.

“That’s it? That’s your pitch to be my friend?” he asked, chuckling softly. “That was awful.”

Harry laughed, full-body, shoulders shaking. “I know. I practiced, but it didn’t come out quite like I’d hoped it would.” He reached a hand between them. “Friends?”

Louis sighed dramatically and reached his own hand out, shaking Harry’s. He ignored the way his heart fluttered as Harry’s fingers wrapped around his.

“Friends.”

 

To: [ yarn_eater@me.com ](mailto:yarn_eater@me.com)

_What’s shaking, hot pants?_

“You cannot call him hot pants,” Lottie said as Louis read her the email out loud.

“I think I’m going to anyway.”

_So I found this website where they explain what fool’s gold is. A whole loaf of Italian white bread. Coat it all in butter. Bake it. Hollow out the inside. And then coat it with an entire jar of peanut butter and an entire jar of jam. Stuff it with a pound of crispy bacon. The website says it serves eight to ten people._

_Or one Elvis._

“You know, a jar of peanut butter has like six-thousand calories in it?” Harry said when they went out to grab sushi. “And bacon’s not even a food. Technically, it’s just pure fat.”

“Oh, so you got my email?” Louis laughed.

To: [ championbeefcake@hotmail.com ](mailto:championbeefcake@hotmail.com)

_I can’t confirm how much feces were in Elvis’s colon when he died, but I did find out how he discovered fool’s gold._

Louis and Harry walk through the park, bundled against the chilly morning air, while Harry animatedly explained how Elvis stumbled upon fool’s gold.

“They got on a private jet, fly to Denver, get to Denver, order the fool’s gold sandwiches to be delivered to the plane, eat them, and then fly back to Graceland without ever getting off the plane.”

To: [championbeefcake@hotmail.com ](mailto:championbeefcake@hotmail.com)

_What are you up to this weekend? Want to come by our place for dinner?_

 

“If it starts dirty it ends dirty. Who said that to me?” Niall asked, as he went over the various things in the antique shop they were in. He was trying to find a gift for Shawn, who was ironically already moving in, considering their start.

“I said that to you.”

“You said that to me, when I got a blowjob from Ed,” Niall said, picking up a paper mache cow painted all in rainbow colours. Shockingly, it would be fitting for his place.

“Yeah, and that ended dirty. I believe gonorrhea and a fist fight dirty. But this is different,” Louis said, following him through the store.

Niall put down the cow, to pick up another one that looked exactly the same, but with wings.

“Besides,” Louis said, awkwardly standing beside Niall in the tight aisle of the shop. “I’m not trying to break them up, I'm just happy to be friends.”

“Hmm, sure. Anyway, is this a good housewarming gift for Shawn?”

“Why are you getting him a housewarming gift anyway?” Louis asked. He started to look around, thinking maybe he should be getting Shawn something too. And if he were to find anything, this weird little antique shop would be the place.

“Because I love him and he’s moving into my house,” Niall said easily. “How much for the flying moose?!” he yelled towards the shopkeep, right in Louis’ ear. Yeah fuck that. No gift for them.

“But seriously,” Niall said, turning toward him as they made their way through the maze of the shop towards the till. “Normally I wouldn't care about you getting between two guys, I’d even rejoice in the very tiny chance of a threesome. But this is my cousin. It’s like incest. I accidently saw his ass one time. Had to bleach my eyes, I swear.”

“Yeah, well I'm a grown up. I can be friends with another gay man without it leading to sex.”

“It’s so cute that you believe that,” Niall said, putting down the flying cow, moving to pick up a red hanging lamp near the cash register. “But more importantly, would this red lamp make you want to experiment sexually?”

Louis was about to tell him to quiet down, this was really not the place for this conversation, when the older woman behind the counter chimed in.

“I’ve got the same one myself,” she said. Niall smirked at Louis.

“I’ll take it!”

 

“It's like the worst thing that’s happened in all of human history,” Nick said, holding out his wine glass for Harry to fill. Harry filled his own too, taking a few too big sips. Louis would be here soon and he was nervous as hell for him to meet Jeff. He still wasn’t sure why, he had never been nervous for Jeff to meet his friends.

The problem was, half hour ago an already tipsy Nick showed up crying at his door, over one of the many guys who dumped him. Harry had lost track at this point if he was being honest. And having someone new over while your brother is crying on your couch isn’t the best look.

“Is it even worse than when the meteor hit and kill all the dinosaurs?” Harry asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yes! My breakup is definitely worse than some meteor,” Nick huffed. Harry rubbed his back, sitting back on the couch with him, not so subtly looking at the time.

“And he cheated with a grad student no less!” Nick added, curling into Harry side. “Probaby writing her thesis on how to be a rat faced whore.”

“I really liked him, I’m so sorry Nick but..”

“I know! I really like him too! Like I don’t even want to sleep with all his friends to get back at him. I mean, I will, but I won’t enjoy it.”

“Do you think there might be a better option to get over him?” Harry asked, looking over nicks shoulder to check the time again.

“No,” Nick said pitifully. He downed the rest of his glass in one go.

Harry jumped up when he heard Louis knock on the door.

“I’m just gonna go,” Nick sighed.

“No, no it’s fine,” Harry said, trying to be polite. He was more focused on getting over the coffee table to the door than anything right now really. “It’s not a dinner party really, just my friend Louis.”

Jeff, who had been listening to this whole conversation from the kitchen while chopping vegetables, stopped Nick. “Stay, this Louis guy could be a good rebound for you,” he teased.

Nick looked at Harry, then nodded quickly, running to change his clothes for some of Harry’s nicer ones.

 

Harry gave Jeff a stern “we’ll talk about this later look” then finally went to open the door.

Louis was stood outside his apartment, twiddling his thumbs. He was dressed up nicely, seeming to match Harry whereas Jeff was wearing jeans and a T shirt. He guessed this was as important to Louis as it was him.

Looking around, Louis could see bits of Harry all over the apartment. Sketches he had come to know as Harry’s style all over the walls. The main room was done in blue, with vintage furniture to match, and in the corner, near the window, looked like Harry’s drawing desk. From what Louis could see it had a view of the skyline, just like his roof.

 

“Thank you so much for coming,” Harry interrupted his thoughts.

“Yeah, thank you for having me.” Louis smiled, hanging his coat up on the rack by the door. “This place is just like I imagined it to be,” Louis said, still looking around.

“Really?” Harry beamed, pointing his feet together in the way he always did when he was shy.

“Yeah, I imagined more doilies and stuffed animals. Maybe a few less candles,” he teased, causing Harry to blush.

“Yeah, put all that stuff away, didn't want to scare you.. “ Harry joked. Both of them started laughing. Louis almost forgot it wasn’t just them, until Harry led him into the kitchen.

“Jeff! Louis is here!”

 

“Hey Louis,” Jeff said, turning from where he was cutting vegetables and sticking a huge knife right towards Louis. Perfect first impression, really.

“Hi,” Louis said nervously.

Jeff laughed, as if it were funny. And put the knife down, wiping the vegetables off his hands to shake Louis. Strong grip of course, too tight really. Louis wasn't surprised.

Another man came into the kitchen, He looked similar to Harry, with the curly hair. But he was taller, and looked fairly older.

“Oh um, Louis, this is my older brother Nick,” Harry said. He moved to the oven, stirring whatever he was cooking.

“So nice to meet you,” Nick said, walking up to him. Instead of a handshake he got a kiss on each cheek, which was surprising. But not really compared to how the night was going. He swore he could hear Nick smelling him as he pulled away.

“So Louis! I’d love to get your opinion on something,” Jeff said.

“Yeah of course,” Louis said, sitting across from him on their kitchen island. Harry came to stand beside Jeff already rolling his eyes.

“Europe,” Jeff said. Louis laughed, having already heard this from Harry in their emails.

“The continent,” Louis said easily, he matched his smirk to Harry’s.

“Told you!” Harry laughed, patting Jeff on the shoulder. “And you can’t deny it! He’s from that continent!”

“Okay yeah, but look at a map, any map, it's clearly part of Asia,” Jeff said, picking up the knife again to continue chopping the peppers in front of him. It made Louis nervous for some reason. He and Harry were strictly friends, but seeing his boyfriend with a knife sent shivers down his spine. He almost felt guilty.

“Right, so but if Europe isn’t a continent, then why is it a continent?” Louis said, trying to keep the teasing manner of their conversation going. Harry seemed to have given up, walking away with Nick to open the giant window and having a quiet conversation between the two of them. Louis wished it was him there instead.

“Eurasia, that's what they should call it. Europe plus Asia. Eurasia,” Jeff said, sparking Louis’ attention back to him.

“So you work for the UN right? What is it exactly you do?” Louis asked, trying to steer the conversation away from this topic.

“I’m part of an international consortium of lawyers, but more importantly are you trying to sleep with my boyfriend?” Jeff asked calm as ever. He was still wielding the giant knife, something all too big to be cutting vegetables. He was giving Louis a hard stare. All Louis could do was look over at Harry and Nick, now across the kitchen pouring wine.

“Don’t worry, we’re just getting to know each other,” Jeff smirked, leaning across the island to get closer to Louis. “They still think we’re talking about Eurasia actually being a possible thing.” He said the latter part of the sentence louder, with a bit of a laugh, so the other two could hear. Conniving dick.

“I have no problem with Harry having a new best friend, but if you put your penis in his asshole we’re going to have a problem,” Jeff said. He had a smile on his face, talking so easily it could be mistaken for them just chatting about the weather. Louis was completely unnerved.

The moment ended quickly though, with Jeff too distracted with harassing Louis, he wiped his eye, pepper still all over his hand, letting out a cry of pain.

Harry ran over in an instant, Jeff now making weird grunting noises and fanning his eyes.

“Shit! Shit! Louis! You’re the doctor what do we do?” Harry yelled. Nick was already running a towel under water and dabbing it at Jeff’s eye.

“I’m still technically not a doctor! Didn’t graduate!”

“Louis!”

“Fuck! Um.. saline solution? Do you wear contacts?” Louis asked, starting to get a bit frantic. He may not have liked the guy but the whole area around Jeff’s eyes were now turning red and he was sweating like mad.

“In the bathroom! Down the hall!” Harry yelled, pointing to a hallway entrance near the window. Louis was on his feet in an instant, rushing to the bathroom to and rummaging through their things finally finding the contact solution.

He was running back down the hallway, solution in hand, when he suddenly froze. There was a picture of Jeff and Harry, Harry kissing Jeff’s cheek with a loving expression. He just didn’t understand how Harry could love someone like Jeff.

Shaking his head and forcing himself to move on, he pushed the hall door open, a little bit harder than he should have, and suddenly all he heard were screams.

Apparently, the water wasn’t working, and Jeff had been making his way to Louis, and the second Louis threw open the door, out the giant window Jeff went.

The three of them leaned out the window, looking on at Jeff splayed out on the sidewalk. He was awake, thankfully, due to them only being on the second story. But he was crying in pain louder than before.

“Someone phone an ambulance!” Nick yelled, seeming to startle them all out of their trance. Louis whipped out his phone quickly, too quickly, and it fumbled out of his hand and out the window as well landing right beside Jeff.

He looked over at the other two, Nick seeming to be between sobbing and laughing hysterically, while Harry just look on completely traumatized.

So yeah, great first impression.  

 

Jeff screamed, yelling about the pain. He kept asking if he’s paralyzed.

“You’re not paralyzed,” the paramedic said calmly. He had taken a moment, when they’d first climbed in, to introduce himself as Zayn. Louis wasn’t sure it was the right time, but he appreciated the friendliness. “I’m going to give you a little something for the pain, loosen you up a bit.”

“Oh god,” Jeff groaned, hysterical hint to it. “What if I loosen up too much? What if I _shit_ myself?”

“That’s a very real possibility,” Zayn said. “It’s one of the worst parts of my job, actually.”

Louis turned to Nick sitting next to him, who was munching on a burrito.

“Is now really the time to be eating?” he asked in disbelief.

“I have to eat when I’m stressed,” Nick explained. “That’s why I could never be a fighter pilot. I’d be like five-hundred pounds. I wouldn’t even be able to fit in the cockpit.”

“ _That’s_ why you could never be a fighter pilot?” Louis asked. “Out of all the reasons, that’s the one you’re going to go with?” He shook his head. “Never mind. I’m sorry I asked.”

The rest of the night passed agonizingly slow. Jeff would have to keep the cast on and stay until the morning. Louis felt bad, he _did_ , but it wasn’t _really_ his fault that Jeff happened to be standing behind the door. It was all just a spot of bad luck.

“Mm what are you thinking about getting?” Harry asked, watching the vending machine rotate through their options. Most of them looked expired, and all of them look hazardous to their health.

“I was thinking maybe tuna salad,” Louis answered. “But I’m not sure how much I should trust tuna salad out of a vending machine.”

“I hate hospitals,” Harry sighed.

“I spent a lot of time in hospitals growing up,” Louis said.

“And they still couldn’t fix-” Harry circled a finger around Louis’ face, “-this?”

Louis laughed dryly. “Unfortunately, no. Actually, my parents met as surgical interns. My dad actually proposed to my mother on the roof of a hospital in London.”

“Romantic.” Harry sighed, a dreamy look in his eyes.

“If you ignore the affairs, then yeah, I’d say it’s very romantic.”

There was loud chatter as a group of doctors rounded the corner, all of them looking to be in various stages of exhaustion. He spotted a familiar face, cringing inwardly and probably outwardly as well.

“This is about to be very awkward, and I’m apologizing in advance,” Louis whispered.

A man noticed Louis and Harry standing there, breaking from the group and heading their way. His face a mixture of hurt and shocked as he stopped in front of them.

“Harry, this is Aiden,” Louis explained. “My, um. Well, I guess my nothing in particular.”

“Nice to meet you,” Harry said with a smile.

“Lou, what are you doing here?” Aiden’s face took on a worried expression. “Are you sick? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Louis said, barely fighting back his eye roll. “Harry’s boyfriend fell out a window.”

“Do you need me to check in on him?” Aiden asked.

“No, that’s not necessary.” Louis hoped this is enough to end the conversation, but Aiden kept on talking.

“Well, I’m gonna go. We only get fifteen minutes for lunch. Don’t get the tuna salad, or anything with seafood in it. The company that stocks the vending machines has failed every health inspection. I think there’s some sort of politics involved, and that’s why we don’t switch a new company.” Aiden’s face flamed. “I’m sorry I’m rambling. I’ve been here for almost twenty hours. I had too much coffee and when I saw him with you-” he pointed to Harry, “-I thought he was your new boyfriend and that made me want to cry.”

“Aiden, please stop talking-”

Aiden didn’t listen, continuing in his speech. “I just want us to be friends. I know that won’t happen today. But someday.” He turned to Harry, gesturing wildly with his hands. “Whatever he said about me, it wasn’t a totally black and white situation and-”

“He hasn’t said anything about you,” Harry said, swallowing noticeably. “He’s never even mentioned you.”

“Oh.” Aiden took a step back, obviously hurt. “You know, it was nice to meet you, but I hope we never have to do this again.”

Louis turned to Harry, who’s biting at his lip and avoiding eye contact.

“That was my ex-boyfriend.”

 

“You’re really finger banging me on this one Louis,” his boss said, dumping the giant pile of papers Louis just handed in on his desk.

“Is finger banging good or bad?” Louis asked, looking up at the greasy man in front of him. His boss never seemed to be happy. How could you in this tiny office? Louis’ cubical didn't even get sunlight. The dim office covered in ugly fluorescent lights, showing the sweat coming off his bosses forehead and nose. He didn't even have to look to know there were pit stains.

“What do you think? Take a guess.”

“I-” Louis started but his boss cut him off before he could speak, as always.

“Of course not! You think all those girls you fingerbanged in high school enjoyed it? They just wouldn’t have sex with me. You. Us. Men. Us men,” His boss stuttered out.

“I’m gay sir,” Louis mumbled, just wanting this conversation to be over.

“I’m off topic,” his boss said, completely ignoring Louis again.

“God I hope so,” Louis said, pinching his face up.

“Ugh… Yeah! Manual! It sucked! You have a week to finish it. Two weeks! A month!” His boss said. Louis just nodded along. “Fix it up, Tomlinson!” the man yelled, giving him finger guns as he walked away.

Louis was sad they reminded him of Harry.

  


“This is where you want to do it?” Harry asked, disbelief at the edges of his voice. He watched as his robin design danced across the wooden wall. “With the wood? I think it might be cleaner somewhere else-”

“You’re blocking the shot,” his coworker, Josh, said.

“Oh, sorry,” Harry said, not at all sounding it. He turned and headed from the room.

“It’s total bullshit that Josh got the project manager job over you,” said another one of Harry’s coworkers, Perrie, following him from the room.

“Everyone knows it’s your design and not Josh, who’s acting like it’s his,” said Jade, also rushing after them. “It’s like. Homophobia or something.”

“Our boss is a lesbian,” Perrie said, confused.

“Listen, guys,” Harry said, cutting them off from whatever tangent they’ve started on to. “Holly offered me the position first. I turned it down. I like where I am. I’m happy with my life the way it is right now. I don’t want to mess it up. I like being an animator.”

Perrie groaned, stomping a foot. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“I do!” Harry defended. “And a project manager has to do so much paperwork and, like, Josh is gonna have to go to Taiwan for half a year.”

“Oh, boohoo,” Perrie said mockingly. “All the power and extra money and travel is really just so fucking shitty.”

“Leave him be,” Jade said, slapping at Perrie’s arm. “He’s got a great job, great boyfriend, and a great friend like me. Kind of a great friend like you. He’s happy the way things are. Right?”

Harry nodded, but there’s a tightening in his chest.

“Right.”

 

Louis didn’t often have the energy to wake up early enough to make it to the farmer’s weekend, but he enjoyed it when he did. Today was a rare one, where he woke up just as the sun was rising and actually managed to feel refreshed. After his morning shower, he decided to just roll with the surprising energy and head out to the farmer’s market, something he hadn’t felt up to doing in ages.

He enjoyed the walk there, light breeze blowing, the city quiet before everyone’s woken up for the day. He spent a good part of the hour walking up and down the stands, making good conversation with the owners of each stand. He optimistically bought plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, hoping that either he or Lottie would use them before they go bad.

He was just finishing up, debating whether or not he should buy any more tomatoes, when he heard a familiar giggle from across the small street.

Forgetting about the tomatoes, Louis spun around to see Harry and Jeff meandering through the same stands Louis himself had just visited. They stopped around a stand selling purses and baskets, and Harry’s face grew serious. Jeff appeared to be saying something, Harry nodding along and listening intently before his face broke into a wide smile.

He jumped into Jeff’s arms, wrapping his legs around Jeff’s waist and pulling him in for a passionate kiss. Louis watched the scene with a sinking feeling in his chest and stomach.

He started to wonder what could be causing the scene to unfold in front of him - what could have Harry and Jeff smiling so wide and borderlining on inappropriate making out in a public space.

He realized - Jeff’s proposed. He crossed his fingers and hoped that wasn’t it, but he wasn’t hopeful.

It made sense, logically. They had been dating for five years. It was the natural progression of things, the way things seem to go.

He should be happy for them. A friend would be happy for them.

So why did he feel such a sinking feeling in his chest at the idea?

 

“Eeeeeh-Yah!”

Louis looked over, giving his nephew a wave as he prepared to go next, getting a proud smile in return.

Shawn came in then, three red cups in his hand as he climbed up the school bleachers to sit next to Niall.

“So Louis, can two gay men really be friends or do you secretly want to bang Harry?” Shawn asked casually as he sipped his drink and hooked an arm around Niall.

Louis spit his drink out, one, from that sentence, and two, because he wasn’t expecting it to be beer.

“How did you get beer in a children's karate tournament?” Louis asked, as he tried to wipe up the beer off his lap. He hoped he didn’t hit the woman sitting in front of him, who he knew to be Oliver’s teacher.

“You’re cute, Louis,” Shawn said mockingly. Niall just kept giggling beside him.

Rolling his eyes at the two of them, Louis put the cup down trying to focus on the kids in front of him. “He has a boyfriend,” he said, putting an end to the conversation. Or so he thought.

“Yeah, who you threw out a _window._ ”

And that had Louis spinning back to face them. “That was by accident!”

“I’m sure,” Shawn laughed, patting Niall's knee “Anyway. Ben is moving to England, Louis! Now is your chance.”

“No, I wouldn’t do that to him. To them. You know what I always say-”

“If it starts dirty it ends dirty,” both Niall and Shawn chimed after him.

“Yeah, that,” Louis mumbled, still trying to focus on Oliver, who was lining up to hit chop his block in half. Louis wouldn’t miss that.

“That’s all bullshit anyway,” Shawn said. “You know, the night I met Niall, I was so into him I forgot I even had a boyfriend till I woke up in his bed the next morning. Love is dirty baby. Sometimes it's downright filthy.” This causes Niall to smile, pulling Shawn in for a kiss that is way to much for a kid’s karate tournament. It gives Louis more of a reason to keep his eyes on his nephew.

But also, a lot to think about.

 

“Let’s look in here,” Harry said, tugging on Louis’ hand in the direction of the shop. There are fancy suits lining the windows, and even more all over the space once they’re inside. Louis was afraid to breathe, worried just his breath would ruin the suits that he surely can’t afford. “I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the company dinner with our production partners from Taiwan.”

“Whatever you wear, I’m sure you’ll look great,” Louis said, giving Harry a reassuring smile.

“What about this one?” Harry came up to one of the mannequins, running his fingers gently over the velvet, maroon fabric.

“I think it suits you.”

“Can I try this one on?”

Harry flagged down one of the sales ladies. They had a quiet conversation that Louis doesn’t listen to, too distracted by the idea of Harry in the suit.

In the fitting room, it was silent save for the sound of zippers being done up and undone and fabric hitting the floor. Louis wasn’t sure how long Harry was in there, trying on the suit, before he heard his name being called.

“Yeah?”

“Is anyone out there?” Harry asked, voice sounding muffled.

“No, it’s just me.” Louis took a few steps closer to the dressing room door. “What’s up?”

“Come in here,” Harry said.

“What?”

“I’m stuck.”

The door cracked open a slit, and sure enough, Harry was halfway out of the silk undershirt that went with the suit, the fabric stretched over his shoulders.

“It didn’t have buttons, so it has to be pulled over my head,” he explained. “I had no trouble getting it on. Of course, as you can see, I’m having some trouble getting it off.”

Louis chuckled. “Yes, I can see you’re having some troubles.”

“So can you help me?”

“I think I might be able to,” Louis said. He reached out and traced his fingers over the fabric gently, hands shaking. He hadn’t realized before now just how broad Harry’s shoulders were. It was dizzying, seeing the fabric stretched across his broad form.

He slipped his fingers underneath the fabric, watching goosebumps form across Harry’s back as he shivered. Louis’ hands slid over the smooth skin of his back, breath catching in his throat. He slid the shirt off with ease, dropping the hand that was holding it down to his side. Just before Harry turned around, Louis noticed a detailed drawing of a robin right between his shoulder blades.

Harry spun around and gave Louis a grateful smile.

“Want to go grab some food?”

 

Louis was at a table across from Niall, only Shawn was in his lap, practically grinding on Niall as they ‘kissed goodbye.’ It came with a bunch of nonsense of I love you’s, Louis pretty sure he heard poop somewhere with it but he was to busy having a crisis about Harry, _again_.

Finally, Shawn left Niall with one last kiss, wiggling his ass as he left the house, Niall watching him as he did. He finally reached behind him, oven mitt in hand, pulling out nachos from the oven without getting up. Louis didn’t have to wonder why, but he would take Niall’s attention now without complaint.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“I just had sex and I’m about to eat nachos!” Niall yelled, dropping the tray of nachos in front of Louis. They were in Niall’s kitchen, dishes were everywhere, the whole place smelt like weed, and it was way too early for nachos.

“Please don’t ruin my nacho high with whatever you're about to say,” Niall sighed. “I can tell, just by the look on your face.”

“It’s just.. It’s Harry,” Louis said, looking down at the table like he's ashamed.

“It’s always Harry,” Niall said, pulling out one of his chips. It was still hot, and burned his fingers and his mouth as he ate it, but that doesn’t stop him from grabbing a few more and utterly shoving them in his mouth. It grosses Louis out more than he can explain. But he doesn’t want to complain. Not when he’s been the annoying one lately.

“She’s my cousin, its like incest,” Niall added while he chewed, Louis being exposed to a full mouth of crumbly cheese nachos.

“Well she's not my cousin,” Louis said, disturbed look on his face. He's not sure if its Niall insinuating the boy he likes is his cousin or the cheese hanging down his chin.

“No!” Niall said, finally swallowing in one big gulp. “You’re like my brother, so it’s like my brother incestually asking me how to bang my cousin.”

“I’m not asking that! He has a boyfriend!” Louis defended, reaching for a few chips himself.

“Yeah, and hes been coming to Christmas and Thanksgiving for the last five years Louis! Five!” Niall shouted, as if he just about had enough. “You know what? Let me break it down for you!” he says, picking up a big cheesy nacho.

“This? This nacho right here? Is Jeff. Jeff has great job working for the UN. He’s important to the world. This moldy banana? That's you. You can’t even explain your job to me without falling asleep.”

“Yeah but!” Louis tried to protest. Niall cuts him off.

“You have nothing. You're just this sad moldy banana. _I’m just a sad banana living in my sister's attic,_ ” Niall said, moving the banana as it if was Louis talking. He even tried for a British accent. It failed.

“Okay enough! I get it!” Louis said, exasperated. He rested his head in his hands, not wanting to look the blonde man in the eye anymore.

“No you don’t! Because you’re still talking about him!” Niall yelled, shaking the nacho, some cheese hitting Louis’ head as he did. “Jeff and Harry have been together for five years! They live together! They have furniture! And a cat!”

“Well the cat is just Harry’s..”

“Louis!” Niall sighed, putting the banana down and the nacho in his mouth, continuing to eat and talk at the same time. “I don’t blame you. You haven’t been the same since that dick Aiden broke your little heart.”

“Okay, okay,” Louis said, holding his hand up to stop Niall. “To be fair, I broke up with him, he wanted to stay together and work it out.”

“Of course you did,” Niall said flatly. They sat in silence for a moment, then Niall shoved the tray of nachos to Louis.

“You totally ruined my sex nacho high.”

  


Jeff’s bags were stacked next to the doorway, only one suitcase and a book bag. It seemed unfair that he could pick up and move his entire life in two bags.

“I’ll miss you,” Harry said, and he meant it. His heart ached, thinking of Jeff halfway across the world, in different time zones. He already knew it was going to be difficult to keep up with each other. “I want you to call me when you miss me, no matter what time of day it is.”

“Of course,” Jeff answered without a beat.

He leaned in and pressed a kiss at Harry’s mouth, definitely aiming for short and sweet, but Harry pulled him in closer by the belt loops. He used his tongue to press open Jeff’s lips, quickly deepening the kiss.

Just as he was attempting to undo Jeff’s belt, a hand stopped him.

“Babe, I have to go,” Jeff said, voice barely above a whisper, lips brushing against Harry’s. “I’m going to be late.”

Harry whined but released Jeff, watching as he did his belt up again. He smiled tightly, planting one last close-mouthed kiss on Harry’s lips before grabbing his bags and running out the door. Harry tried not to be disappointed, tried not to feel left behind, but it was hard as he watched Jeff climb into a taxi from his window.

He wondered if it ever crossed Jeff’s mind to ask Harry to go with him.

 

The ticket was hung on the fridge, along with the address Jeff had given to Harry before he left. And for awhile, the fridge stayed just like that, empty except for the two pieces of paper that Harry stuck to it.

He got the first message from Jeff two days later.

_“Hey it’s me, sorry I missed your call, time zones suck! Call me when you can!”_

He called back immediately, hoping to catch Jeff wherever he was. But the phone went straight to voicemail. Things seemed to continue like that for the rest of the week.

And then the postcards started showing up, the first from England, then Berlin, and Munich. The voicemails he got seemed to coincide with each postcard, Jeff having express posted them to Harry.

Slowly but surely, the fridge started filling up. _“Hey I'm in Prague” “Amsterdam” Florence” “Hi babe! I’m in Vienna” ''Cell reception in Athens is a mess, did you get my postcard?”_

Eventually, Harry ran out of magnets, and had to buy those word ones that Niall had on his fridge. Though, Louis always came by to fuck with them. He wasn’t sure what his mum would say about “eat walrus butt” in the middle of his fridge the next time she came.

_“Hey it’s me. Harry. Why don’t you call me right before you go to bed. Even if it’s a weird time here, I just wanna hear your voice.”_

 

Harry sent his own postcards to Jeff too, even though all of them were from Toronto. He wrote about how much he missed him, about his day, his job, and sometimes even about Louis. All in hope that Jeff would miss Toronto enough, miss _him_ enough that he would want to come home.

On one of the rare occasions he did catch a call from Jeff, he was getting coffee with Louis. And Louis, being the saint that he was, went inside and ordered for both of them, knowing Harry's order by heart.

“So I got my cast off and my arm is all smelly and gross,” Jeff laughed into the phone. It sent shivers down Harry's spine. He gripped the phone tighter, looking off into the city skyline as he listened.

“If I felt you up, it would be like you were cheating on me with my evil twin,” Jeff said, causing Harry to laugh along with him. Thankfully he kept his honk in, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of customers sitting outside around him.

“Please, tell me more about how you want to touch me with your gross freak arm,” Harry teased. He turned around to look into the coffee shop, giving Louis a thumbs up where he saw him waiting for their drinks.

“You’d love it here though, I'm living in a flat with all my coworkers. They're lovely by the way, and it's just beautiful here.”

“Yeah?” Harry smiled, chewing on his lip. He had been waiting for Jeff to ask him to move, not sure if he would, but just to have the option would make a whole world of a difference.

“Yeah, anyway, I have to get going. Work calls,” Jeff laughed again, as if it were some kind of joke. Harry forced a laugh with him.

“Seriously? Already?”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry. But I love you”

“I love you too,” Harry said, then he heard a click. Thankfully, Louis walked out with their coffees at that moment, so he didn't have the chance to cry.  

He took a deep breath, turning to Louis as he shakily let it out. “Sorry about that.”

“Yeah, no problem. It’s nice, why don’t we go for a walk?” Louis asked, obviously sensing the tension but not mentioning it. It was truly why Harry loved Louis so much. He was so easy going.

They walked down the street to a nearby park, sipping at their coffees as they went. The sky was blue for the first time since winter, and leaves were just starting to peak out of the trees. The cold fresh air was really what Harry needed, along with his best friend

“So how’s Jeff settling in then?” Louis asked, leading them over to an empty bench.

“He’s um, great. He’s so great,” Harry said, looking down into his cup. It was almost empty already, and he hadn’t even noticed.

“But are you doing great?” Louis asked, causing Harry to finally look at him properly.

There was something about Louis, he could always read Harry’s emotions and just knew the right thing to say. None of Harry’s other friends could read him like that. The only other person who could was Jeff.

“I’m doing not so great actually,” Harry said, giving Louis a half smile. “This is like the highlight of my social calender.”

“Well that’s pretty shitty,” Louis joked, making Harry realize what he said.

“Oh shit! No! I didn’t mean that! I just mean you’re the only person I’ve seen in person.. In like weeks..”

“No I get it,” Louis laughed “You’re the highlight of my social calender too.”

“Sometimes I feel like I should just start drinking,” Harry sighed, tossing his cup into the garbage bin beside him.

“Do you need a drinking buddy?” Louis asked with a mischievous smile.

“I would like that yeah. Want to come drink my sorrows with me, Louis?”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

This found them in a bar, downing shot after shot. Louis wasn’t sure it’s too smart of an idea, given the revelation of his feelings, but he had come to learn he couldn’t quite say no to Harry. The bar wasn’t too loud that they couldn’t hold conversation, but not so quiet that they felt awkward.

“I think the shots just keep getting worse,” Louis said, wrinkling his nose. “Absolutely disgusting.”

“But cheap.” Harry threw him a wink. His eyes widened. “I’ve found someone. Prospective hookup just across the bar.”

“I don’t think anyone I’d actually like would come to a bar like this,” Louis said.

Harry threw his head back and laughed. “ _We’re_ here!”

Louis laughed alongside him, feeling free and lighter than he has in a long time.

“Go talk to him! He’s cute!” Harry knocked his shoulder with his own. “Offer to buy him a drink.”

“Only because you’re forcing me to,” Louis said, taking a deep breath and psyching himself up. He walked over to the man at the bar, who was just finishing up his drink.”Let me buy you another one?”

The man smiled gratefully. “Yeah, thanks.”

The bartender made the drink, and the man took it. He spin around on his heels and walked away without saying another word. Louis felt his mouth open in amazement.

The bartender held his hand out for the money.

Louis dejectedly handed over the cash, making his way back over to Harry. Harry, to his credit, was trying to hold in his laughter.

“Will it make you feel better if I kick your ass in ping-pong?” Harry asked, grabbing him by the wrist and leading him to where the table had just cleared for the first time all night.

“Oh, I’d totally kick you ass!”

It wasn’t true. Harry, it turned out, was very good at ping-pong.

“Weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?” Louis asked, serving the ball.

“Bakery, night shift,” Harry answered without a beat, returning the serve just as smoothly. “I still can’t eat cupcakes.” He managed to hit the ball back in the opposite corner of Louis, sneaking it past him. Harry threw his paddle down and started jumping around, screeching giddily.

“Mm, a gracious winner, I see.” But Louis was laughing, throwing his head back and watching Harry’s smile break his face in half.

 

Later on in the night, when they were dancing surrounded by sweaty bodies, they continued their conversation. This time it took a little bit more yelling to get their words across, but it happened nonetheless.

“How many serious relationships have you been in?” Louis asked, shimmying his hips and laughing at whatever dance move Harry was doing.

“Four!” he yelled back. “Two in high school, one in college before Jeff, and then Jeff. What about you?”

“I think six or seven,” Louis answered. “One in high school, one the summer after high school. Three in college, and two since. You obviously met Aiden.”

“Dumper or dumpee?” Harry asked. He shimmied closer to Louis so they didn’t have to yell quite as loud.

“I think statistically speaking, I’m the dumper, but that doesn’t mean I’ve never been dumped.”

“I’m usually the one who’s dumped,” Harry said, but he didn’t seem sad about it. “I like to make things work. I don’t know when to give up.”

 

They stumbled home, halfway to sober, and tripping over one another.

“What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?” Harry asked suddenly, turning the conversation serious.

“That’s a loaded question,” Louis said. “The worst thing that ever happened to me might also be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, as weird as that sounds. Aiden - sorry to keep bringing him up - I walked in on him making out with our anatomy professor. I realized then, we were already like my parents. Surgical interns who were already cheating on each other.”

Harry didn’t say anything right away.

“So I got out, and in a sick and twisted way, that was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

 

Later that night, Harry called Louis. They’d spent the whole day together, but somehow it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t sleep and he needed to hear Louis’ voice. Louis picked up on the second ring with his normal greeting.

“Sorry, I hope you’re not sick of me,” Harry joked. “Can’t sleep. Guess we didn’t get drunk enough.”

“Darn,” Louis said with a laugh. It sounded like he might have snapped his fingers. “I guess we’ll have to try again.”

Harry joined him in laughing and then the line fell silent, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was never uncomfortable between them.

“So what’s the worst thing that ever happened to you?” Louis asked, breaking the silence.

“My step-dad died when I was in junior high,” Harry said, and he could feel the shift in the mood, even over the phone. He was glad they weren’t having this conversation face to face. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle the way Louis’ face would fall and then fill with sympathy. He took a deep breath before continuing on, “He had lung cancer. You don’t realize how quickly everything can fall apart until it does. It makes you never want to give up anything good ever again.”

Harry could feel the silence over the line. It buzzed through his veins as he stared at his ceiling and tried to imagine what Louis must be thinking.

Finally, Louis asked, “Can I change my answer? Because now I think the worst thing that ever happened to me is saying some lame relationship drama, when something actually awful happened to you.”

It made Harry laugh. _Louis_ made Harry laugh.

“I like your answer,” he said, and suddenly he was smiling again and the conversation didn’t feel as loaded. “Plus, now I get to be part of the worst part of your life now. That’s something not everyone can say.”

“For future reference,” Louis said, “when the answer is that your step-dad died of cancer, you should probably go first.”

“Thanks for the etiquette lesson, Mr. Tomlinson,” Harry giggles=d. “I’ll keep it in mind for next time. Goodnight, Lou.”

“Goodnight, Harry.”

 

“So, I call Jeff and he tells me about all these new experiences and the new people he’s meeting,” Harry explained, growing more aggressive with his knitting the longer he talked. “And then he asks what’s going on with me and what do I tell him? I hang out with the same old people every day, doing the same old things. I still go to knitting classes with Nick and the girls.”

Nobody said anything, paying attention to their own yawn projects.

“So Nick was telling us about this Louis guy?” Perrie finally spoke up. “That you’ve been spending so much time with?”

“We’re just friends.”

“Well, I know that,” Perrie said, waving the words away with her hand. “Is he cute? Should you be introducing him to your single and desperate best friends? Like me?”

“He’s gay, Pez,” Nick said. “Besides, I’ve already called dibs on him.”

“Why?” Harry asked, trying to keep his voice even.

“He was supposed to be my rebound after Rob,” Nick explained. “I think that’s why it didn’t work out with Noel. I needed a buffer between them. A buffer made of sex.”

“Nick, you barely know him.”

“Well, you know him.” Nick said this like it meant something. “You hang out with him all the time, so he’s obviously not like, a loser.”

“Does he have any other redeeming qualities besides not being a loser?” Jade asked, giving up on her scarf and throwing her knitting needles and yarn onto the table. “Like is he funny? Or smart? Maybe rich?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“He’s kind of just like Harry,” Nick said. “Almost exactly the same.”

“Oh, gross,” Perrie said, wrinkling her nose. “You want to sleep with Harry?”

“I take offense to that,” Harry said, but everyone just ignored him. “Nick, please don’t be offended by this, but you don’t have the greatest track record with guys. And I don’t want either of you to get hurt. That’s all.”

“Not sure how I could take that any way except the wrong way,” he scoffed. “Thanks for the faith, H. Some of us can’t be as lucky as you and Jeff.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Some of us just want a guy who won’t make us feel like crap.”

 

“Option one: you make a move on him,” Niall said. “It’s bold. Direct. Sexy. Best case scenario in option one is that you hook up, he feels guilty, and then breaks up with Jeff. Worst case scenario, he thinks you’re a sleazeball and ends the friendship.”

Louis wandered through the jewelry shop, sighing at Niall’s already unhelpful advice. He knew it was only going to get worse from here.

“Do you really think that would work?” Louis asked, but he wasn’t even really considering it. Or maybe he was considering it just a little bit.

“No. Even if he went for it, he’ll resent you forever for making him cheat.” Niall leaned over a glass case to examine some of the flashier rings. “He’ll break up with Jeff, but won’t go out with you because you’ll forever be the guy who broke up with her relationship.”

“Is there an option two?”

Niall nodded. “Not sure you’re going to like this one much better.”

Louis sighed. “Lay it on me, I guess.”

“Option two: be the guy he goes to for advice. The downside is you have to listen to him talk about Jeff all the time. But I guess the opposite of that would be that you can skew your advice to be more in your favor.”

“Don’t think that’ll make me any less of a sleazeball,” Louis said with another sigh. Lately, it seemed that whenever Louis and Niall talked about Harry, Louis did a whole lot of sighing. “Think it’ll even work?”

“Not a chance,” Niall laughed. “Option three: just wait it out. Eventually, the distance will put a strain on their relationship and they’ll break up, or the distance will make them stronger and they’ll end up happily married and live a happy life with six dogs and four kids.”

“That’s a lot of dogs,” Louis mumbled. “So then I’d just be pathetic? I’m either going to be sleazy or pathetic. Love that for me.”

“Well it’s got the advantage of not being totally unethical, but it’s got the disadvantage of...Yeah.”

“Being totally pathetic.”

“Sometimes, when you talk to me the way you do, it feels like you don’t think I give very good advice,” Niall said. He walked away before Louis could respond, one of the rings in another case catching his eye.

“Lou, come here!” Niall waved him over, squealing excitedly as the attendant set a ring box on the glass. Louis walked across the shop, expecting the worst. “Do you like it?”

In front of him was a gold band with a cursive N stitching it all together, diamonds encrusted into it.

“Well, it’s not my engagement ring,” Louis said. “You have to worry about whether Shawn’ll love it.”

“I think he’ll love it.”

“Then you’re made for each other.”

They exited the shop, joining the crowds on the busy street, meandering towards their next destination.

“There’s a fourth option,” Niall said. “Be honest. Tell him how you feel. It might ruin your friendship, but at least you were a man about it and expressed your feelings.”

“Hold on, I think I’m missing something here,” Louis said. “Since when does being a man mean expressing your feelings? I thought being a man meant the opposite of that - holding your feelings in and being emotionally constipated until you die.”

“Honesty is the foundation of any relationship.” Niall kept a hand over his pocket with the ring box in it. Louis wanted to slap him for being so annoyingly in love.

“You’re totally honest with Shawn?”

“One-hundred percent.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Louis scoffed.

“Okay, well. Then ninety-nine percent honesty is the foundation of any relationship,” Niall said. “Sometimes you have to lie about an outfit looking good in order to keep from sleeping on the couch.”

“It’s not worth the risk,” Louis decided. “Not if it means losing Harry as a friend. I’d rather have him as a friend than not at all.”

“Then option five it is,” Niall said.

“And what’s that?”

“You move on.”

 

The engagement party came quickly after Niall bought the rings, and it was way more beautiful than anyone would think for people like Shawn and Niall. Well, people who knew them properly.

It was on a boat, decorated with lavish flowers and paper lanterns. Globe lights were strung over the table to light up the whole boat. They were perfectly positioned so the skyline was behind them, CN tower lighting up the water red.

Louis found Harry easily, as he was wearing a red lacy top that stuck out between everyone else's dull grey and black outfits.

He grabbed two glasses of wine on his way and stepped up to him. “Hello.”

“Lou!” Harry beamed, turning towards him and taking the extra glass of wine.  “Isn’t this beautiful? I can’t believe it!”

“I know,” Louis said, looking around. Niall and Shawn ran up to the stage on the side of the boat, hand in hand. Niall grabbed onto the microphone.

“Hello! Welcome! Welcome everybody! We are so happy yo have you all here tonight!” he yelled. The whole boat cheered, and Shawn clapped beside him, almost looking out of breath. He grabbed the mic from Niall.

“Here’s the thing. We both really want to get married but-”

“But we hate long engagements!” Niall said into the mic. Both boys were smiling at each other, so big it reached ear to ear.

“So we’re getting married! Here..tonight!” they shouted. Everyone cheered again, chatter now loudly filling the boat of the two now grooms. Louis gripped Harry’s arm, the two of them turning to each other in shock.

“Louis!” Niall shouted into the mic, pulling his attention back towards him.

“Here!” Louis yelled over the crowd, jumping up so Niall could see him.

“I need you! Best man!” Niall yelled. He picked up Shawn, bridal style, and walked them both off the deck of the boat towards the rooms underneath.

“Well go!” Harry said, pushing Louis towards the entrance of the rooms.

 

Shawn’s best man, Liam, was frantically combing his fingers through Shawn’s hair, trying to get it just right for him while Shawn fiddled with his tie. Louis could tell how tense the room was the moment he walked in.

“Liam! I don’t need you finger combing my wisps! I’m serious!” Shawn huffed, pushing Liam's hands away “Oh Louis! Thank god” he sighed.

“I’ve been sent to get an ETA, Niall’s almost ready,” Louis explained, closing the door behind him. Liam looked even more frantic closer up, his fingers frozen mid air above Shawn’s head.

“Oh wow! You look amazing,” Louis said, trying to ease some of the tension.

“Yeah.. Liam if you don’t get me some alcohol right now I’m going to have a panic attack,” Shawn said, now physically removing Liam’s hands away from his head.

“Hey, I’ll go..” Louis said, hand already reaching for the door. Shawn gave him a frightened look.

“No! You stay! Liam’s more nervous then I am, and frankly it’s freaking me out. Now Liam! Go! Louis, you stay and talk to me,” Shawn demanded. Louis knew not to ignore a groom on their wedding day.

He sat down on the counter, Shawn sitting down on the chair across from him, still checking his hair in the mirror behind Louis.

“So?” Shawn asked, finally turning his eyes towards Louis.

“So?” Louis asked, still confused on this whole situation. Most situations with Shawn, actually.

“Why are you torturing yourself over a ten minute conversation with Harry that would answer everything?” Shawn asked, his eyes lit up, reminding Louis of the day he met Niall.

“Seriously? It’s your wedding day! Can’t we talk about you?” Louis asked, already feeling the dread in his belly. He couldn’t handle this conversation. Not right now. Or ever.

“Exactly, it’s my wedding day and your job to keep me calm so I don’t crawl out the window and bang a sailor.”

“Where are you even going to find a sailor?” Louis asked, incredulous as he looked towards the only small window in the room. They were far from land, thankfully. Because he wouldn’t put it past Shawn.

“At the docks. Duh,” Shawn said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world “Like? What’s the best case scenario? Louis, I love you, I want to have sex forever until we die having sex?”

Louis chucked, trying not to think about it too much before he had to be on a stage in front of people. “Yeah that would be the best case scenario,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.

“Okay, well whats the worst case scenario? Louis, you piece of shit liar, I thought we were just friends when this whole time you justed wanted to put your junk inside my trunk?”

“I think anything with junk inside your trunk is the worst case scenario,” Louis chuckled. He thought of Harry upstairs waiting for them. Probably dancing with Nick, or having a drink near the bar. No Jeff in sight.

“That’s the one thing I like about getting married, you get to stand in front of everyone you love and tell them you believe in the best case scenario. It’s terrifying, but that’s why the outfits are so nice.” Shawn sighed.

Liam broke their conversation, running in with three more solo cups of hine as the wedding march started to play. The three boys cheered their cups and Louis ran off to walk down the aisle with Niall.

“I can’t believe no one stopped that,” Louis teased, walking over to Harry once the ceremony was over. Nick rolled his eyes stepping between them.

“I don’t think they’d find anyone else.”

“Very true,” Louis chuckled, leaning in to talk to Nick more. It’s not that Harry minded, he had introduced them after all, but now that he knew Nicks intentions the whole thing felt sour.

He ignored it though, and listened to the wedding speeches. Shawn’s friend Liam was on the stage, already completely pissed and tears rolling down his face.

“And I learnt a lot of lessons that night. About gambling addictions and identity theft and..” Liam paused to let out another sob. He took another big gulp of his drink to choke it down. It only made his voice more high pitched and whiney.

“And the Romanian legal system, but the most important lesson was from Shawn, and it was about friendship.. Cheers!” he said, holding hid wine glass out, then dropping it so it smashed on the floor.

Shawn was in tears with him, and ran up to give him a hug.

The rest of the night carried on like before, Louis seeming to pay all his attention to Nick. It was harder, Harry was used to having someone always around him. Jeff always around him. And without him things like this seemed almost boring.

He hadn’t noticed before, so far having Louis at his side. It caused a horrible feeling in his belly, and he refused to call it jealousy.

Every time he tired to dance with Louis, a friendly shimmy here and there, Nick seemed to bump Harry out of the way, catching Louis in a twirl or some other crazy dance move. It didn’t help that Harry was a sad drunk, and he had a lot tonight.

Giving it one last try, he let Louis grab him in a twirl. Nick seemed to notice right away, taking Louis’ other free hand then pulling him back towards him when he was done. And that was it really. Harry just stood in the middle of the dance floor and watched on, a frown permanent on his face.

 

Nick offered to drive both Harry and Louis home. Louis was thankful he didn’t have to catch a cab, but Harry didn’t seem too thrilled about it. He dropped Harry off first, who slid from the backseat and didn’t even turn to say goodbye to them.

“I can walk from here, if you want,” Louis said. “We’re not too far from my place. I feel bad making you go so far out of your way.”

“No, it’s no trouble,” Nick assured him. He put the car in drive and pulled away, and Harry never once looked back.

They reached his house in less than five minutes, all of the lights still on inside. Louis wondered why Lottie was still awake, and then realized it’d be weirder if she were asleep.

Nick put the car in park, turning in his seat to face Louis.

“Thanks so much,” Louis said, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Listen,” Nick said, stopping Louis from exiting. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to come inside with you.”

“What are you talking about?” Louis furrowed his eyebrows.

“Don’t get mad,” Nick said, and Louis had no idea what he was on about. “But if you’re gonna get mad, I guess we can make out for a couple minutes. But we are not having sex.” He threw Louis a wink, like they were in on some inside joke together.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Louis stammered. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression-”

“Why? Because I won’t have sex with you?” Nick scoffed, affronted.

“That’s not what I meant,” Louis rushed to defend, but then Nick started laughing.

“I know, I’m just kidding.”

“About what part?”

“All of it.”

“I’m very confused by this conversation.”

“Fine,” Nick sighed. “Let’s go inside.”

He leaned over and kissed Louis, who went stiff as a board. It had been a while since he did something like this, and he wasn’t even sure what _this_ was. Nick’s lips felt wrong against his, too thin and dry. He was aggressive with his tongue and didn’t seem to mind that Louis wasn’t doing much in the way of kissing him back.

Louis tried to let himself enjoy it, closing his eyes and trying to ignore how gross he felt when Nick starts mouthing as his neck, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Harry.

If Harry were to find out this, that would be the end of his chances. Harry would never want to date someone who slept with his brother. Besides, Louis wasn’t even into it, so the risk-reward factor didn’t balance itself out. The risk would not be nowhere near enough for the reward. In fact, the longer Nick kept licking at his neck, the grosser he felt.

Louis pulled away, pushing Nick off of him and to the other side of the car.

“Nick, listen,” Louis started as Nick wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I think you’re great but I can’t do this.”

“Great?” Nick’s voice rose, obviously angry. “You think I’m great? Get the fuck out of my car.”

When Louis didn’t immediately move, Nick said it again. Louis didn’t have to be told a third time, scrambling from the car and watching as Nick drove away, tires squealing as he went.

 

Harry stumbled into his apartment after being dropped off by Nick. He tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach when he thought about Nick’s plans for the night. It wasn’t his place to be upset about it. Louis was a grown man who could make his own decisions. If he wanted to sleep with Nick, then he could do it. Harry wasn’t allowed to be upset about it.

He collapsed onto the bed without even bothering to slip out of his clothing. He struggled to kick his shoes off his feet, listening to them clatter to the floor. The noise seemed out of place in the apartment -  the place was almost too quiet and empty since Jeff left. It was unnerving.

His charger was so far from him, dangling off the edge of his nightstand. He decided reaching for it wasn’t worth it, pulling his phone from his pocket and noting that he was at half battery.

Before he even thought about what he was doing, with the room still spinning and his head feeling heavy on his shoulders, Harry found himself selecting Jeff’s contact. He listened to the ringing for a few seconds before there was a click and Jeff’s voice was coming over the line.

“Harry?” Jeff sounded concerned, and Harry realized that it was the middle of the night here, which means it was morning there. Jeff must be worried that Harry had gone and gotten himself into trouble.

“Hi, baby,” he mumbled, lips feeling like lead, impossible to move. As a result, his words slurred together in a way that he hopes wasn’t too difficult to make out. “I miss you.”

“Harry-”

“I’ve been thinking about you.” It was a struggle to unbutton his shirt with one hand, but he managed well enough. He might have ripped a button off in the process, but in the end he was successful, wriggling around on the bed as he tried to slide the shirt from his shoulders. “I miss you.”

“Harry, I really don’t think-”

“Wish you were here,” he whispered, like it’s a secret. “I’m wearing those panties you like so much.” His eyelids felt heavier with each blink. He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to stay awake, actually. “I look so good in them. Better than you remember, probably.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Jeff said, a slight hint of laughter in the edge of his voice. “Unfortunately, I cannot discuss this with you at the time. I’m currently in a business meeting, surrounded by _a lot_ of people. I miss you, too, though.”

“Oh my god,” Harry said, eyes snapping open. He felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

Jeff chuckled and assured him it’s okay. “Just get some sleep, baby.”

Harry said his goodbyes, tossing his phone onto the blankets beside him. He felt lonelier than ever, with Jeff on the other side of the world and an empty apartment. Wishing he had someone there to wrap their arms around him, Harry fell into another night of restless sleep, tossing and turning and sure to wake up more exhausted than when he went to bed.

 

“Are you going to ask me what happened the other night with Louis?” Nick asked while they were sunbathing, laying out and getting tan on their skin and sand in their pants.

“I’m trying to respect your privacy,” Harry said.

“Well, he’s a jerk. A stupid, ugly jerk. And I hate him.”

“Okay.”

“He propositioned me,” Nick continued. “He said awful, dirty, disgusting, _vile_ things he wanted to do to me.”

“Oh, that’s awful,” Harry said, but they can both tell he doesn’t mean it.

“I know. I told him that’s not what kind of girl I am.” Nick closed his book, pretense of reading gone and over with. “Then he flew into a rage and attacked my face. And he broke all my fingers.”

“Your fingers look fine to me.” Harry didn’t even look at Nick’s fingers.

“Then the cops came and tried to pull him off of me and he shot them all in the face and they all died.” Nick smirked. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it. It was all over the news.”

“So he rejected you?” Harry clarified.

Nick nodded. “He rejected me.”

 

“Styles, can I talk to you for a second?” his boss asked, stopping him on his way to the break room.

“What’s up?” he asked, wondering what he could have done wrong this time.

“This is the last time I’m going to offer you the promotion,” she said. “Josh is fucking it up and I don’t want him going to Taiwan. I want _you_ there. It’s your design, anyway.”

“Um, I’m not really sure-“

“Styles, this is. The last time I will ever offer you a promotion. Take the week to think about it. Tell me the answer I want to hear or don’t tell me an answer at all.”

  


Everyone was drunk and they were still drinking. It’s the only way to stay warm, Harry thought. Otherwise they would all die. It was a perfectly rational line of thought.

“Okay, so get this,” he said, finishing off his beer. “The first form of contraceptive used was crocodile dung, by the ancient Egyptians.”

“I wonder if that happened by accident,” Louis laughed, reaching into the cooler and grabbing another beer for Harry. He even took the cap off before he handed it over. A perfect gentleman.

“I think one of them must have had a poo fetish,” Niall said, absolute seriousness in his tone of voice. “Like, it was by total accident. They were messing around with what kind of poo turned them on the most, and it happened to be crocodile poo. And then they kept having sex, and they realized, oh. Nobody’s gotten knocked up.”

Shawn wrinkled his nose and set down his beer. “That is repulsive. I hate straight people.”

Niall pulled him in and kissed the top of his head. “Let’s go wash off the sins of the heterosexuals.”

They jumped up from the log, throwing their clothes from their body and splashing into the water in just their underwear.

“They must be cold,” Harry said.

“I think their crazy love keeps them warm.”

“They are crazy,” he agreed.

The sound of waves and Niall and Shawn’s laughter kept them from falling into silence.

“Should we join them?” Harry asked, standing up. He started to strip himself from his clothes until he was in just his boxers. He turned to Louis and quirked an eyebrow. “Coming?”

Louis didn’t need to be asked twice, jumping from his seat and starting to strip himself. Harry took off down the beach, jumping into the water with a shriek. Louis noticed Harry’s black boxer briefs laying in the sand and took a deep breath before slipping off his own. He braced himself as he walked towards the water, preparing for the shock of the cold.

He didn’t shriek like Harry, but his whole body broke out into goosebumps.

“So nice and warm, isn’t it?” Harry teased.

“Absolutely,” Louis agreed. “I wish it was colder, actually.”

They splashed around for a while. Louis didn’t notice the time passing until suddenly the moon was directly above them. Harry suggested climbing out and finding their clothes, and Louis agreed. He thought he might never stop shivering.

Harry stopped halfway back to their fire, pausing to look at the moon. Louis came up next to him, trying to keep his eyes from wandering and admiring Harry’s body. He thought it was a sign of strength that he managed to keep his eyes mostly to himself.

“Louis,” Harry breathed, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?” Louis sounded just as breathless.

“I’ll look if you look.”

Louis sucked in sharply. “Yeah, okay.”

He watched Harry break their eye contact first, eyes darting downwards. Louis didn’t waste another moment, drinking in the sight of Harry before him. He had laurels tattooed on his hipbones, something Louis hadn’t had the opportunity to see before. He was defined, but still managed to stay soft around the hips. Louis was finding it harder and harder to breathe the longer he looked.

“Louis?” Harry sounded more frantic now.

“Yeah?” he replied, tearing his eyes away from Harry’s thighs and meeting his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Where are our clothes?”

Louis whipped his head towards the campsite. He saw the fire and the sleeping bag - only one when there had been four - but nothing else.

“Shit!”

“This isn’t funny,” Harry said seriously.

“I didn’t say this was funny,” Louis shot back. “Do you see me laughing? We’re going to freeze out here.”

Harry started stomping back towards the campsite, and Louis tried to ignore his pert ass and stay mad, but he was a weak man. Harry covered himself up with the sleeping bag, leaving just enough space beside him for Louis to sit down.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” Harry said, but he still sounds tense. “I know you probably didn’t put them up to this. Assholes.”

Louis stood awkwardly next to the fire, doing his best to cover himself up with his hands.

“Sit down, Louis.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re going to freeze to death.”

“I’m fine.”

“ _Louis!_ ”

Louis listened, slipping in next to Harry under the sleeping bag. They didn’t speak the rest of the night, trying as hard as they could to keep their bare skin from slipping against one another.

 

“You’re a fucking dickhead,” Louis said when Niall picked them up and handed over their clothes. The car ride home was more tense than anything he had experienced in a long time, and Harry climbed out of the car without even saying goodbye.

 

Harry came home, and he felt more confused than ever. He loved Jeff, he knew that. But it was getting harder and harder to remember that, when Jeff was on the other side of the world and Louis was right here. He saw the postcard with Jeff’s address on it and decided what he needed to do.

He booked a ticket to England and started packing his bags.

 

The blank sheet of paper in front of Harry seemed daunting with nothing on it. The pencil sitting next to it taunted him, daring him to pick it up and start writing a list he should have written a long time ago.

He made three columns - England, Taiwan, and Toronto, respectively - underlining each of the locations over and over again he scratched through the paper. This shouldn’t be so hard to do.

Underneath England, he wrote Jeff’s name. He couldn’t think of anything else to add at the moment.

Underneath Taiwan, he wrote promotion. He also added that he won’t know anyone or the language. He wasn’t sure if this is supposed to be a list of pros or cons, but he decided to write both. He would be able to figure out which is which.

Toronto made him pause. The other locations were harder because he’d be going there with no friends. In England, he at least had Jeff. In Taiwan, he would be advancing his career.

In Toronto, he had all of his friends. He already loved the job he had - he felt no need to advance. He was comfortable. He spoke the language. He had Louis.

He wrote Louis’ name in this column and folded the paper up, trying to ignore what it meant that he couldn’t think of any cons to staying.

 

“Do you want to come out to the bars and meet some of my friends?” Jeff asked, coming up behind Harry and hooking his chin on his shoulder. He pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Harry’s neck. “They’ve been dying to meet you.”

“Do you talk about me a lot to them?” Harry asked, mostly joking.

“Of course,” Jeff answered. “You’re all I talk about.”

Harry chuckled, spinning around in Jeff’s arms to look him in the eye. “I would love to come meet your friends. When should I be ready?”

“Mm, now?”

There was a knock on the door, perfect punctuation to Jeff’s sentence. Harry could hear laughter coming from the other side, and he took it as a good sign.

“Let me just grab my jacket,” he said. “Then we can go.”

They went to a bar only a few blocks away from the apartments. Harry met two of Jeff’s coworkers, their names Alex or Sarah or something, and managed to hold polite conversation with them. They weren’t saying too much to keep his attention. It was no fault of their own, but he just didn’t care about whatever they seemed to be talking about. At least Jeff was interested, throwing his head back and laughing at things Harry wasn’t even sure were jokes.

He was doing his best to get drunk, but not even drinking the drinks Jeff kept paying for was doing much for his mood. He felt homesick.

He wanted to contribute to the conversation, so he said the first thing he can think of, “Did you know the first form of contraceptive used was crocodile dung? By the ancient Egyptians?”

Conversation halted.

Jeff’s coworkers shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, not making eye contact with him. Jeff, at least, forced out a chuckle.

“That’s interesting, honey,” Jeff said, reaching out and rubbing a hand up his back soothingly. Conversation resumed, whatever they were all talking about before he went and made the comment. He sighed internally, wishing he were back home in Toronto.

They stumbled home that night, limbs entangled with each other, and Harry had made his decision.

“Jeff?” he asked, once they’ve entered the apartment.

“Yes, babe?”

“Why didn’t you ask me to come with you?”

Jeff paused, halfway through taking his shoes off. “What?”

“You never even asked me to come with you. Did the thought cross your mind?”

“Of course it did,” Jeff rushed to say. “But you seemed so happy where you were. You love your job. I didn’t want to make you uproot your life and leave.”

“It doesn’t matter that you thought all those things,” Harry said. “You should have asked me to come with you.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeff sighed. “I didn’t think this would upset you this much. Has this been upsetting you this entire time?”

Harry shrugged.

“Come here, babe,” Jeff said, opening his arms. Harry fell into them, but found no comfort.

As they climbed into bed, not quite touching and laying on their separate sides of the bed, Harry had never felt farther from Jeff. He fell into an uneasy sleep, knowing he hasn’t made the decision - the decision has been made _for_ him.

 

Louis found Niall at the country club tennis courts, five beers in.

“Do you want to borrow some of my balls?” Niall yelled at the old couples just trying to play tennis on a nice day. “I think someone sharted and I think it might be Mrs. Cole. Everyone check. Shart check. Look it up online if you don’t know what it means. Fail. You couldn’t find that stone if it was in your kidney.”

He finished another beer and threw the can on the ground.

Louis pushed the rest of the empty cans on the bench to the ground, taking a seat next to Niall.

“Aren’t you just a ray of drunken sunshine?” Louis asked, reaching over and taking one of the cans of beer.

“Yep,” Niall said, popping the ‘p.’ “Shawn’s staying the night at Liam’s. We had a fight. First fight as a married couple.”

Louis watched him chug half of the can in his hand.

“Look, Lou.” Niall sighed, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. Okay? I let Shawn talk me into it even though I knew it was a bad idea.”

“I’m not like you,” Louis said. “I can’t just hook up with somebody who’s already seeing someone else. It’s wrong. It was wrong when my parents did it to each other. It was wrong when Aiden did to me. It was wrong when you and Shawn did it to his ex.”

“You don’t think that the fact that we got married kind of justifies it?”

“No.” Louis was suddenly angrier than when he first showed up. “Now unless you want to be married to someone who’s okay with cheating.”

“Be careful,” Niall warned. “That’s my husband. This love shit’s complicated. But that’s a good thing because if it was too simple, you’ve got no reason to try. And if you’ve got no reason to try, you don’t. Wait, maybe I just described you.”

“You know what?” Louis said. “I think you’re right. But either way, you’re an asshole, Niall.”

 

Louis went to Harry’s apartment.

Nick answered the door.

“Hi,” they said awkwardly at the same time. Nick was wrapped with only a towel around his waist and Louis kind of wanted to run away.

“Come in or whatever,” Nick said, turning and walking away from the door. “I just jogged over here to feed the cat, but if I don’t shower right away my pores get clogged.”

“Wait, why are you feeding the cat?” Louis asked. He’s struggling to follow along.

“So it doesn’t starve to death,” Nick said, like it’s obvious.

“Why can’t Harry feed it?”

“Because he flew to England.”

“He flew to England?” Louis hoped his face didn’t show his disappointment. “Of course he did.”

Realization dawned on Nick’s face. “You like him.”

“Get in the shower!” Louis can feel his face warming up. “I can see your blackheads from here.”

“Distracting me won’t work,” Nick said smugly. “You’re busted.”

“I’m not in love with your brother.” But it sounded like a lie, even to Louis’ own ears.

“Look, you’re a nice guy and you’re kind of funny. But Harry loves Jeff. They’re gonna get married and live happily ever after and you’re just gonna be this guy that he was friends with for a couple months. He won’t even remember your name. So do whatever you need to do and get over it. It’s never going to happen.”

Nick walked away before Louis could reply. He went to leave when he saw a note taped to the fridge door.

_Jeff in England_

_First floor_

_75 Lower Camden St._

 

Louis didn’t technically have enough money to fly to England.

But he did it anyway.

He paced in front of Jeff’s apartment door for forty-two minutes. He was just starting to get dizzy when he finally gathered up the courage to knock. It took a few seconds, but then the door was opening and Jeff was standing there, face going from surprised to irritated.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Is Harry here?”

Jeff punched him.

Knocked his fucking lights out, if he was being honest with himself. He fell down the front steps onto his ass, and the door slammed shut. He could hear the deadbolt click into place.

Louis didn’t have money to fly to England, but he did it anyway, and all it got him was punched in the face.

 

When Louis landed, he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. He picked up his luggage and walked out of the airport, checking his phone. He saw one text from Harry, telling him to meet at their diner at noon.

He checked the time on his phone.

He had thirty minutes.

He managed to hail down a taxi and hurriedly give him the address, shaking with anticipation. Louis wondered why Harry wanted to meet so urgently, but then decided it doesn’t matter. Louis had some news of his own to share, and he wasn’t going to back down. He was determined to put it all out there.

 

“Louis, what happened to your eye?” Harry asked once Louis came running through the door.

“Got in a fight with a pole. Lost,” Louis joked. “Now what’s so important?”

“I have some news to tell you,” Harry started, but cut himself off. Louis’ eyes was ugly and purple and swollen. “I can’t concentrate with your eye looking like that. Tell me what happened.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Louis waved away his worries.

“Okay, um, so I went to England.”

“Right, yeah.”

“And I’ve been having to do a lot of big picture thinking. And there’s like a lot going on in my life and...seriously, Louis, what the fuck happened to your face?”

Louis took a deep breath, figuring it’s now or never.

“Jeff punched me.” He watched as Harry’s eyes widen, realization filling them. Louis continued, “I flew to England.”

Harry sat back in the booth. “Why did you fly to England?”

“To tell you how I feel about you.” Louis closed his eyes so he didn’t have to watch Harry’s reaction.

“No, that’s not the truth.”

Louis opened his eyes now, watching as Harry’s grew wet with tears.

“I wanted to be honest with you.”

“No, you wanted to break Jeff and I up. You could have been honest at any time.”

Louis didn’t know how to answer him. His chest ached with the way he knew he was responsible for Harry’s tears.

His voice broke when he asked, “How long have you felt this way?”

“Pretty much since the day we met.” Louis decided he couldn’t make it much worse.

Harry was crying now, sniffling and chin wobbling as he fought to hold back tears. “So when I said I had a boyfriend, and I just wanted to be friends and you said you wanted that too, you were lying?”

“I wanted it to be true,” Louis said, voice small. He felt tears forming in his own eyes.

“But it wasn’t true. I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends!” he tried to protest. “I haven’t just been trying to put my junk in your trunk.” He winced at his poor choice of words.

“I told Jeff you weren’t that kind of guy. That he didn’t need to worry. But.” Harry took a deep breath, voice wavering. “You’re totally that kind of guy. You must think I’m an idiot.”

“No, of course not-”

“I trusted you!” Harry slammed his fist down on the table, their coffee cups rattling. People turned in their booths to stare at them. “I trusted that we were what we said we were. But you can’t be friends with someone if you’re just lying around waiting for the opportunity to screw them.”

“That’s not what this is!” Louis tried to defend himself. “I like you in a different way than I led on. That’s not a crime. And if it is, you’re not exactly innocent in all of this.”

Harry wasn’t crying any more. Instead, he just looked angry and hurt. “What’s that supposed to me?”

“Oh come on!” Louis threw his hands in the air. “‘I’ll look if you look.’ How else was I supposed to take that? We crossed all the same lines. There’s a difference: I’m single and you’re not.”

“I’ve never cheated on anybody. And now you’re making me feel like I cheated on Jeff.”

“Hold on,” Louis laughed humorlessly. “I’m making you feel like that? I have no power over how you feel. If you feel like that, it’s because you did something that made you feel like you were cheating on Ben. Remember, cheating isn’t always physical. Emotional cheating is just as bad, if not worse.”

Harry leaned across the table, inches away from Louis’ face. “That was a mistake. This was all a mistake. I’m leaving.”

“You don’t have to go-”

“I mean I’m leaving the country. I’ll be gone for a year.”

“You’re going to England?”

“I’ve been offered a promotion in Taiwan. I’m finally putting my career first.”

Louis didn’t even try to hide his tears, letting them slide down his face and drop onto his jeans.

“I’ll be gone for a year. Maybe more.”

“Congratulations,” Louis said, voice breaking. He couldn’t bring himself to say much more than that.

“See you around, Louis.”

Harry stood from the booth and walked out from the diner, not turning to look back at Louis who was  shaking too badly to stand.

 

Louis heard footsteps pattering up the stairs. He was using a packet of frozen carrot and broccoli mix to ice his eye, wishing he had a strong drink in his hand. He didn’t know what to do - he felt _numb_. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time, or maybe felt like this ever at all.

“Uncle Louis?” Oliver asked, poking his head into Louis’ room. He didn’t bother sitting up to greet him. “Can I talk to you?”

“Not now, Oliver,” Louis sighed.

“Please?”

“I said not now! I’m having a bad life.” Louis didn’t mean to snap at his nephew and his mood instantly worsened as he heard Oliver turn on his heel and run down the stairs. He would have to go and apologize later.

Later, when he went down to get a glass of water, Lottie was in the kitchen waiting to scold him.

“What are you doing that is so fucking important that you don’t have time to help out your nephew?”

“I’m not the kid’s dad,” Louis mumbled. Then louder, “All right? He’s your responsibility, not mine.” And once again, he felt bad. He shouldn’t be taking his bad mood out on some of the only people who still love him and want to be around him. It wasn’t fair to them for him to push them away.

“Shut up,” Lottie said, slamming her plate onto the counter. Louis winced, surprised it didn’t shatter. She continued holding her sandwich in one hand, angrily taking a bite from it and chewing. With her mouth full, she continued, “That’s not true. But lets say it is. I’m an awful mum. When Oliver grows up, he can blame all his problems on me and you’re totally blameless in his raising. None of his childhood trauma can be pinned on you. I’m doing the fucking best I can! Which is all any of us are doing, except for you it seems. All you can seem to do-”

She cut off, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. Louis could tell the signs of choking and tried to remember the Heimlich.

“Are you choking?” he asked, just to make sure before he potentially broke her ribs.

She nodded frantically, fanning her face with her hands as her cheeks turned bright red.

Louis rushed over to her, turning her around so her back was pressed to his chest. He positioned his hands under her ribs and said a quick prayer before pushing forcefully against her. It took a few more tries before she was coughing up the piece of sandwich she had swallowed wrong.

She took a few deep breaths, almost frantic, before slowly bringing the sandwich back to her lips.

“You’re not a bad mum,” Louis finally said.

“It wasn’t part of the plan that you were my son’s primary male role model,” Lottie said. “As archaic as that sounds. But you are. So deal with it.”

 

“I think this is from when you guys moved into the place,” Nick said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. He took the can and tossed it into the trash bag, and it made a dull thud, still full and never used. They had been finding a lot of things like that. Things they had bought but never ended up using, hopefully optimistic.

He pulled out a container of yogurt. “Not expired. I’m taking it.”

Harry chuckled softly. “Feel free. I’m not gonna have much use for it.”

Nick pulled out another expired container. “Ew. I think this one has been in here even longer.”

Harry took it from him, setting it softly into the trash bag. “Yeah, it was probably Jeff’s. I must not have noticed it.”

“So that’s it? You’re just going to throw it away?” Nick reached into the fridge again, pulling out even more containers and looking at the labels.

“We’re not talking about the salsa any more, are we?” Harry sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall next to the refrigerator.

“I think you’re making a huge mistake.”

“I don’t really care what you think.” Harry tried to stand firm, then asked, in a softer voice, “Do you really think Taiwan is a mistake?”

“Yes!” Nick slammed the fridge door closed and Harry winces. It felt like the whole room rattled with it. “I think you’re screwing up your life.”

Harry started crying, but he didn’t want Nick to see. He grabbed the containers that Nick had claimed for himself and walked over to set them in the bag he brought. He sat down on the ground, not doing a good job at keeping the tears from falling from his eyes.

“That was unfair of me to say,” Nick said. It was as close to an apology as Harry was going to get. “Maybe you’re not ruining your life.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Harry admitted. “I’m going to be all alone and I don’t speak the language and there’s going to be all these responsibilities I didn’t have before. And you won’t be there, as much as you get on my nerves. And then there’s Jeff-” He cut himself off, not sure what to say about Jeff. “And then there’s…”

“Louis,” Nick said, softly like he might understand.

“Yeah,” Harry sighed.

“Have you heard from him?”

“No.” He shook his head. “But I think I fucked it up really, really badly.” He was full on sobbing now, snot dripping from his nose and he could just tell that his face was blotchy. “I think it might count as lying even if you’re just lying to yourself.”

“Oh Haz.” Nick pulled him in for a hug.

Harry wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, with him crying on Nick’s shoulder on his empty apartment floor, but he didn’t feel much better when they pull apart.

 

“So I think um, everything turned out for the best. I’m actually going back to medical school,” Louis said.

He was sitting across a table from Niall and Shawn, in an empty pub. The lights were dim around them but that didn’t stop Louis from seeing their reactions. He expected his friends to cheer him on, pat him on the back and celebrate his achievement. He was going to be a doctor for Christ sake, but instead they were staring at him with matching blank expressions.

He's not sure if they morphed into each other while married or if they had always been this similar.

“So I ugh, sent in my application today,” Louis said, still trying to get a response from them. This seemed to trigger something from Shawn.

“Oh so you just gave up then?”

“No! I’m not giving up, I’m just getting back to the life I was supposed to have by now.”

This seemed to finally stir Niall, who looked him straight in the eye in the unnerving way only Niall could. “So when you’re old and wrinkled and your dick doesn’t work anymore, is this going to seem like the right decision?”

“Um-”

“Like in that old, wrinkled dickless future, will this seem like the right call?” Shawn added, both of them now staring at him intently.

“Yeah, I’ll think dropping out of med school because of a boy was stupid. Not chasing after a boy who doesn’t want me was smart. I’m a doctor now, I’m probably rich and I’ve saved your asses loads of times, and plenty others cause I’m brilliant,” Louis said, reaching over to pour them all a drink from the pitcher.

Niall and Shawn quicky covered both their glasses, not letting Louis pour anything.

“What-” Louis went to question.

“Well, it was supposed to be a secret but.. We’re pregnant!” Niall cheered. Shawn made jazz hands around him.

“That's great! Congratulations! Wow,” Louis said, shaking his head. “That doesn’t mean you idiots can’t drink though, just your surrogate.”

“And thank fuck for that,” Niall said, grabbing the pitcher. He poured himself and Shawn giant glasses.

“Anyway,” Shawn smiled, “You can’t be mad at people who are having a baby so you can’t be mad at us anymore!” He cheered.

“I’m not sure how that logic works but I’ll go with it, cheers! To us!”

“To us!” Shawn said.

“And the baby!” Niall added.

 

All of Harry’s friends showed up to say goodbye, but he still felt empty.

He was surrounded by almost everyone he cared about, but not a single one of them was the person he needed to see right now. He managed to hold polite conversation all night, and for a while he forgot about his problems, but with each new person that walked through the door that wasn’t Louis, his heart just sank further and further to the floor.

He wondered if his disappointment showed on his face when he greeted each newcomer, not a single one of them good enough for the moment.

He should be _happy_. He was surrounded by his loved ones, all celebrating him. It was the last time he was going to see them for a year or more. He should be savoring the moment.

But he _couldn’t_. And that made it worse, he thought.

 

The wind whipped around him on the roof as he watched the city continue on around him. It seemed unfair that everyone else’s life got to go on while it felt like his has stopped right in its tracks.

He shivered, chilly despite his jacket. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been up here - only sure of the face that he never wanted to come down.

A horn honking on the street below brought him from his thoughts.

He pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts with determination. He stopped as Harry’s name, smiling when he sees the emoji next to it. He clicked on the contact, staring at the digits until they went blurry. It didn’t seem fair that he could so easily press the delete button and end their connection to one another. If he didn’t go to the going away party, he knew it was over. There would be no chance for them to fix things.

His thumbs hovered over the delete contact button for too long of a period of time.

He couldn’t do it.

He tucked his phone back into his pocket, chin wobbling as he fought back tears. He had done enough crying in the past few weeks to last a life time.

 

Harry wished he were more drunk. Perrie, Jade, and Nick were all drunk. They were sitting in his lap, way too sweaty, and talking about something he didn’t particularly care about. He was about to tell them to fuck off and go home, since they were the last ones there, everyone else gone home already, when the door opened again.

It had been forty minutes since the last person had left, and hours since the last person arrived. He couldn’t stop the fluttering of his heart or the rising of his expectations as he held his breath and waited to see who walked in through the door.

Louis.

Harry let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

“Sorry I’m late.”

He was standing awkwardly by the doorway, looking unsure of himself. Unsure of the situation, if he was even invited.

Harry made the girls and Nick climb off of him and pushed them out the door. He hugged them goodbye and promised to call them every chance he gets and told Nick to stop crying so much. He was so snotty when he cries.

“I never plan on calling you,” Nick promised as he walked out the door.

“Hmm, right,” Harry said with a hum. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

The door clicked loudly as he shut it, suddenly too silent in the apartment. When he turned around, he found Louis had wandered off, most likely to the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, Harry set off after him, both worried and hopeful about how the night would end.

When he entered the kitchen, he saw Louis staring intently at the fridge. Harry came up behind him, just as he had the first night they met

“You know, our magnets are still here? Just where we left them..” Louis trailed off. Harry let his eyes focus, Monkeys dancing in a pig love hurricane coming into view from the centre of the fridge. He can’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before.

“So um, anyway.. How are you?” Louis asked, not taking his eyes away from the fridge.

“I’m great. You?” Harry asked, standing beside Louis. He kept facing the fridge as well.

“Good.”

“Good,” Harry sighed.

“So, um. Your new job is going to be amazing.. And you get to live in Asia,” Louis said. It was so quiet Harry wouldn’t have heard him, but they were standing so close.

“Yeah.”

“I hear Taiwan is incredible,” Louis said, trying to keep the awkward silence filled in any way he could.

Harry followed along. “Yeah, and you’re going back to med school. That is so great,” he said, almost sarcastically.

“You think so?” Louis asked, finally turning towards Harry. Green meeting blue.

“No actually, I’ve always hated doctors so I pretty much think you’re the antichrist,” Harry teased, smile coming onto his face.

“Yeah I know, and Taiwan is shit from what I’ve heard. I was just lying before. You’re going to have an awful time.”

“Me too,” Harry said, nodding along with Louis, both of them trying to hold back grins.

“So how long until you just see people as slabs of meat and not like actually people with real feelings?” Harry asked, both boys started laughing, smiles coming in full force now and the banter coming back so easily between them.

“Hopefully soon,” Louis said in mock seriousness. “I’ve been practising at night on tiny defenseless animals and homeless people.”

“Oh good cause that’s totally what they’re there for,” Harry said sarcastically. Both started to laugh again.

“Yeah I know, just bodies in waiting,” Louis added.

“Yeah, especially for a sociopath,” Harry nodded, giggling to himself again.

“Oh, you know that been the goal all along. To just feel nothing.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea sometimes,” Harry said, looking down towards his feet. All joking manner seemingly lost between them in a instant. The silence stretched on, for an agonizingly long moment. When Harry finally looked up, Louis was staring at his hands and twiddling his thumbs awkwardly.

“So England,” he muttered, not able to make eye contact with Harry.

“No it’s okay,” Harry said, trying to get Louis to actually look at him again.

When he did, there were tears in his eyes, a sorn expression on his face “No. It’s not. It was stupid and I was acting like a right fuckboy. I know Jeff is a good guy and you both didn’t deserve that.”

“Yeah,” Harry breathed out, tears of his own forming in his eyes.

“So are you two okay?” Louis asked, he sounded a little hopeful.

“I’m not sure.. About anything,” Harry confessed. He wiped his eyes, taking a step back from Louis.

“So I got creative when I was cleaning out my fridge and I um.” Harry shook his head, using his sleeve to wipe his eyes again. He opened the fridge, handing Louis the neatly tinfoil wrapped gift he had spent the whole night before making.

Louis carefully started to unwrap the tinfoil, the bread making an appearance quickly.

“It’s fool’s gold, I even coated the loaf in butter, as you are supposed to..” he said with a smile.

Louis held the bread in his hands, a fresh set of tears forming in his eyes. He smiled as well and  shook his head, looking to Harry.

“That’s the real thing,” Harry confirmed, taking a step closer to Louis again, biting his lip and looking between Louis and the Fool’s Gold.

“I can’t believe you did this,” Louis said, shaking his head. “Because I’ve gotten you a going away present.”  

The shape was the same, this time wrapped in striped paper and a big red bow sitting on top. Harry didn’t even have to open it to know what it was.

Teary eyes met Harry’s, as Louis tried to hold back his smile. Harry just couldn’t believe Louis had done this, as he slowly tore the wrapping open. He stared at the Fool’s Gold still in shock, then placed it beside the one he made on the table.

“I don’t know what to say,” Harry confessed. Louis was still biting his lip, trying to hold back his smile.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about something you said,” Louis paused, trying to find the right word to say.  “About how when you lose something, it makes you never want to give up anything good ever again. Whatever this is between us.. It is good. It is so it it’s actually the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I don’t want it to be over.”

“I don’t want it to be over either,” Harry said, taking a shaky breath. Both of them just stood there, in Nialls empty kitchen, seemingly inching towards each other.

“I wish we could build a time machine or something,” Harry whispered, so close to Louis now they were almost touching.

“If we ever invent time travel? I would go back to the night we met,” Louis said, placing his hands around Harry’s hips.

“You would?” Harry asked.

“Yeah.”

“What would you do differently?”

“Absolutely nothing..” Louis whispered, when they were nose to nose.

“Me too,” Harry breathed out.

Harry stepped into Louis’ space, lips faintly brushing against one another as they took a second and just breathed each other in. Finally, Harry decided he had enough and pressed their lips together firmly, and he let out a sigh he didn’t know he had been holding in.

Louis’ lips fit perfectly against his, soft and molding easily. The kiss quickly turned heated, their lips opening further and tongues slipping in one another’s mouths to lick the inside of their teeth.

Kissing Louis was like letting out a breath Harry didn’t know he had been holding.

They pulled away, breathing just a bit heavier and smiling sappily. Harry finally felt at home.

  


Harry stood with his luggage cart, waiting to be picked up. He scrolled absentmindedly through his phone, wondering what the first thing he was going to do when he arrived home. He looked up and noticed Louis standing across the way with his own luggage cart, also scrolling through his phone.

“Hey Lewis!” he called out, and Louis looked up from his phone, catching his eye.

“Louis,” he corrected with a laugh. “Weird seeing you here. Where did you just come from?”

“Taiwan.”

“What, you’ve been in Taiwan this entire time?”

“Yeah,” Harry answered casually. “I was doing some traveling with my fiance.”

Louis’ eyes widened comically. “You got engaged.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, playfully rolling his eyes. He held up the hand with his ring on it.

“Me too, funnily enough.” Louis held up his own hand, matching ring on his finger. “So who’s the lucky guy?”

“He’s just this creep who followed me to Taiwan,” Harry said, stepping closer.

“What a coincidence. I actually followed my fiance to Taiwan. But I made out with his brother first because I’m a badass.”

Harry giggled, pulling Louis in for a hug. “Come here, you idiot.”

 

Cameras flashed and a baby cried when they kissed, but Harry didn’t notice anything but the press of his lips against Louis’.

Instead of cake, they cut into their fool’s gold. Lottie, Niall, and Nick had all wrinkled their nose and questioned it, but Harry and Louis knew it was the right choice for them. It wouldn’t have been their wedding if they had done it traditionally. Louis laughed when Harry slapped him in the face with it.

Nick caught Harry’s bouquet, knocking several teenagers to the ground.

Harry danced around, drinking champagne and being kissed on the cheek by everyone he knew and some people he didn’t know quite well enough. He noticed Louis slipping out one of the doors and turned to Nick, sighing dreamily, “There goes my husband.”

“I can’t believe you have a husband.”

“I know.” Harry sighed again. “Isn’t it lovely?”

 

Louis sat on his roof looking out onto the distant city skyline of Toronto, tall building windows twinkling on and off to match the stars he could barely see. He should have been on his way towards said city, but his brain had other plans.

 

Harry was only a few steps behind him, crawling onto his arms to keep stable.

 

“You’re right, the view up here is amazing..”

 

“Amazing enough to be late for our wedding reception?” Louis asked, teasingly. Harry didn’t reply though, seemingly too distracted by the view in front on him. He wasn’t looking at the skyline though, he was looking at Louis.

 

“If I fell do you think I’d die? Or just break all my legs?” Harry asked, finally looking out towards the skyline.

 

“Just the legs I think.. maybe the rest of your bones too,” Louis said, hooking his chin on Harry’s shoulder, and wrapping his arms around him to keep them both warm. A few strands of Harry’s hair blew in his face. He didn’t mind though. Wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the boy in his arms.

 

“You’d be so screwed,” Harry teased, “Cause you’d have to stay married to me, and people would be like, wow did that man actually push his husband off his roof. Plus, I’d be paralyzed, from the waist down, for at least a few months”

 

“But would everything still work down there?” Louis asked, wiggling his brows.

 

“Yeah but I wouldn’t be able to feel anything! I’d be paralyzed!” Harry laughed, gripping onto Louis’ suit jacket with one hand.

 

“Well, I don’t want you to feel anything now. We can’t have the sex be too good right away. I’m intentionally being worse in bed then I actually am so I can just get better and better forever..”

 

“Yeah, but slowly, over many decades so we hit our sexual peak in our nineties,” Harry said, rolling his eyes.

 

“Didn’t you know? That’s the plan actually, is if the last time we have sex, it’s also the best, and it’s so good it actually kills us.”

 

“That wouldn’t be such a bad way to go.”

 

“We should probably head down. Think the car is waiting for us,” Louis sighed, tightening his grip on Harry. Harry turned his head to face him, not looking like he wanted to move. “Or we could just.. Stay here for another minute?” Louis asked.

 

“Or maybe like.. Forever.”

Harry leaned in and pressed a kiss against Louis’ lips. He felt more than heard Louis’ sigh, and knew he would never grow tired of this. Even if it meant dying while having sex in their nineties.

 


End file.
